He,
he
is no
longer radar identifiable,
wings clipped until he fell,
fell crashed to earth with an almighty thud,
mind all messed up, synapses spilling from his ears. Mired in mud he
makes no attempt to free himself, for
he, brain unwired, no longer comprehends,
he has nothing left but fear and emptiness.
So he is here, waiting,
waiting for death
to rub
him
out.
Anna :o]
Tony at dVerse has us going all mathematical, writing Fibonacci,
Pascal’s triangle or triangle poems. My
effort is that of a Fib. Thanks for the
inspiration Tony!
Image: courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons
Author: Maggie McCain
29 comments:
Oh, wow, what an intensely painful piece. Very well executed.
This makes me so very sad, but I am sure it is the 'stuff of real life.'
It's morbid a little! But life takes ups and downs in strange ways. Nicely anna!
Hank
i feel like i know him a bit....
and what a relief it will surely be
for him...
Oh, so sad, so painful. Really well done.
Beyond sadness, when somebody reach that point to end it all. How it grows and then shrinks into nothing is a very efficient use of the form
So sad when the wings are clipped waiting for death...
Thanks for your welcome and much appreciated comments folks.
I wrote this with someone in mind, a resident where I work.
He, formally of a great mind - there is such an extensive library in his bedroom - has nothing left, his mind is empty of all but fear.
Anna
Well, that was intense. Well written and very much in the form. Sad too but there is relief too.
Wow on that ending ~ Really good Anna specially mired in mud, brain unwired ~ A lot of energy in your words ~
may the peace he needs settle in deep
sad and scary effective write
So beautiful and heart-wrenching. Well done!
Anna this is incredible, so painful, so intense I love love love your word choices and descriptions wow amazing work
Really painful to read, especially in the UK just now. Today is the funeral for a girl who killed herself after being bullied online, and then this morning I heard that a 17-year-old had jumped from the Forth Road Bridge (just 12 miles from me) - they think he was being cyber-blakmailed.
oh heck...the sadness kinda drips from the page... sometimes it can be a relief though to be able to let go...and go...
painful words echoed Anna ..the loss of mind or body - equally as tormenting.
Such a well crafted, but tense and painful read. Most excellent!
A real gem of a poem this, cleverly worked out and shone to perfection -- but I'd love to know if the idea was there before the fib or if it came out of it. Either way, congratulations.
A worthy piece that stands on its own merits regardless of form; yet, the form fortifies the text and frames it well as a mind may build, grow, develop and then recede. Well done.
Yes, you are alone and so am I, and so are we ... together ...
Such a sad one but excellently executed.
Oh, this is sad, Anna. I can imagine him.
It's not always as easy to help one's self as you think, but it's nice to know someone cares when you're feeling vulnerable. Thank you Anna :-)
captured, Anna
...sad...when one have already settled to wait for the final count of hours... sigh... well done Anna... smiles...
Hi Anna .. love the thought behind the poem - the man who still has his library, but cannot unlock it -
Great suggestion from Tony for your dVerse ...
Cheers Hilary
well, done, grrat use of the series, fading to a sigle point
Amazing! A wonderful heartbreaking story wrapped into such a tight and well written structure! Love it!
Oh wow! I luv this so much. Concise and precise. Deep and simple. Nice one Anna.
Marcel
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