Sunday, 3 August 2014

Bleeding Hearts

Sometimes (no, it’s often)
she hangs there, just hangs there,
a string of bleeding hearts
slowly tightening round her neck. 
I loved you once y’know she says
(she whispers it, pulsates it out).

I know he says as
he sits there drowning
in a blood red caring sea.  
(Those bleeding hearts bleed out
for him and not for her.)  
They come for me he says,
they come for me.

And so they do.

She is collateral damage
in the strange battlefield of care. 
She is expendable.
His needs string the noose around her neck. 
He will be the death of her.

Anna :o]

This is a re-write of my previous post which was so convoluted I don’t really understand it myself.

Life at the ranch is pretty bad and has been for some time.  Handsome one was hospitalised for two months earlier this year and his needs have increased five-fold.   Before hospitalisation I was finding it increasingly difficult to cope, what with meeting his needs and holding down a full time job.  Due to financial commitments giving up work is not possible, nor do I want to.  I have my needs too.

I did not expect him to come home, rather enter care, and with this came a sense of relief.  However he was deemed to have capacity and expressed a wish to come home – so he did.  My needs and my ability to cope did not enter the equation.  He came home with an extensive care package in place – its supposed intention to help me.  But oh how I hate it – it is so intrusive and my right to privacy is gone.

The carers are good folk – but in their caring are drowning any independence handsome one had, pushing him deeper into the sick-role, deskilling him and giving him entitlement, an entitlement he feels to do less and less for himself – and thus increasing my burden.

This feeling of entitlement has brought about a personality change and he has said some hateful things to me, this from my best friend of many years – I can honestly count on one hand how many times we have rowed in our married life.  And now I no longer love him.  I cannot forget what he has said, can’t deal with how selfish he has become.

When I was a student nurse, I had a sixteen week placement with the Community Psychiatric Team, my mentor ‘Dave.’  We regularly visited an elderly couple – Charlie & Margaret – Margaret having dementia and Charlie finding it extremely difficult to cope.

Across the weeks I saw Charlie’s mental health deteriorate rapidly but Dave was determined to keep them together, keep Margaret out of hospital or care home.

I informed Dave I thought he was terribly wrong, in that he was sacrificing Charlie’s mental health for an egoistic unreachable goal.  He smugly said I was wrong.  (Both Charlie & Margaret ended up in care…)

In all my years as a student, I only received one bad end-of-placement report.  It was from Dave – he thought I was opinionated.  What really annoyed me was that he didn’t have the balls to discuss this whilst I was on my placement – rather hide behind the report.

And now I am Charlie.  For the first time in my life I am depressed.  I have no rights to determine my future whatsoever. I hate my home life – but I am expendable.

The above shared with the good folk at Poets United – hosted by the lovely Mary.

I must admit to not reading everyone’s posts in other prompts I have entered this year – and for that I apologise.  It is just that other things get in the way or I lose heart motivation due to my oft miserable state.   I will endeavour to be a good girl and read yours – if I don’t, sorry.

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author:  flemming christiansen from hammer, denmark

Thursday, 24 July 2014


Sometimes she hangs there
throttled by a string of bleeding hearts
I love you y’know she says
(she whispers it, pulsates it out).

And here he sits,
drowning in blood-red horizon.
He says: I know I know.   
And slowly suffocates,
longs angel lust, last man standing.

She is the noose around his neck,
the spittle on his arid tongue. 

She is the death of him.

Anna :o]

Due to life circumstances, I have a serious case of writers block.  Claudia at dVerse has us writing bold metaphors and images.  I don’t know whether the above quite fits the bill – but after weeks of a dying thirst in an arid desert – I have finally completed something.  So I shall offer it.

Perhaps it is a metaphor for my present circumstances…

Image: Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons
Author: Sander van der Wel from Netherlands

Sunday, 15 June 2014

He Sees Not Gain

Not To Be Reproduced, 1937, Rene Magritte 

Errare humanum est, perseverare autem diabolicum

He sees not gain from broken hearts
yet ‘gainst himself he stacks the deck.
All hopes of love he pulls apart
and ‘gainst himself he turns his back.  
Hope nullified: compulsion marks
a broken heart as love he wrecks.
(And persistence perpetuates
as self-destruction replicates)

Anna :o]

Posted for Real Toads - Yeats Octaves, Magpie Tales (image) and shared with Poets United.
Thank you Kerry, Tess & Mary

Saturday, 31 May 2014


Prognathism: mandiblular: his chin juts out –
like Beachy Head (he thinks) or barracuda;
juts out defiant neath tight upper lip.
He hates this.  He hates his tiny tiny little mouth,
wishes God had given     more thought to his creation.   
He has weighed up the odds,
the odds the risks of complications;
surgery – nervous (as he is of it),
he will sit it out, indefinite. 

Despite his sore self-seen affliction –
he has it all (he thinks) –
he has the sea and she and Lucky Lady. 
She?  He has this notion she is leaving. 
Is she leaving him?  
He feels her withdraw,
a moody ebbing ocean leaving,
leaving in its wake a lonely barren shore.

She: distressed, stress manifests cutaneous,
her silvery scales remind her of the fish;
that fish (bass she thinks) that flapped and flailed,
hooked as it was to certain death,
its tiny tiny little mouth gasping gaping drowning.

It simmered on the galley stove,
simmered in its briny waters. 
He herbed and lemoned it,
seasoned it, hot alive with peppercorn. 
He savoured it, the smell of it. 
Succulent, it melted in her mouth just as his kisses did. 

His kisses did, and then it came, came horizontal,
(as she had always lain before him (always always wanting him)),
came horizontal rolling fogging up her mind;
lost in it    she found herself    almost invisible. 
Distracted then (by it) she slowly drifted into it;
no, it took her hooked her reeled her in (flapping, flailing).

He is losing her;
lost she is to some lonely barren shore,
where darkness offers itself     the infinite,
ebbing as she is,    towards it,

gasping gaping slowly drowning.

Anna :o]

Entered at Open Link Night at dVerse – hosted by the lovely Mary.  Thanks Mary.  
Also entered at the Poetry Pantry at Poets United - again hosted by the lovely Mary!

Image: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Gillfoto

Thursday, 29 May 2014


My birth brought no joy, for I was not boy.  Yet I felt loved, my mother taught me my chores, showed me my place,  gave me my future.  Father even allowed an education and my mind and spirit shined as I became alive!  Then came puberty and I was a little afraid, a little afraid as buds blossomed into breasts and blood showed the possibilities of motherhood.  And father became afraid, mother too, and my femininity became the chains that bound me.

Mother and father chose a cousin and I could not, could not love him – for I wanted a man that would excite my heart and he was not he.  I did so need to be loved rather than acquired, wanted to happily drown in the wonder of it all, the wonder of love. 

And I found him, my true love, at the very same moment he found me.  And deep within me, within my womb, beats the tiny heart that is my country's future.   For whether this tiny heart beats in girl or boy, this wonderful child will be loved and will be free, as free as the birds that soar above us and touch the clouds with unclipped wings.

Yet my parents are not happy for me and are bitter with hatred.  They say I have dishonoured them…

A stone as a heart,
my life blood wet on his hands:
this a father’s love.


Björn at dVerse has us writing a haibun and the horrendous murder of Farzana Parveen remains fresh in my mind, refuses to go away, and my words are based upon it.

I must admit that I am almost immune to the pain of our world, swamped as we are by gruesome images that fill our television screens, so much so that the unbelievable the unforgivable become the ordinary.  I may despair for mankind upon viewing, listening or reading, then the mental images and memory fade and I return to things personal in my life.

However Farzana’s murder refuses to go away, be consigned to the past, for try as I might, I cannot understand how a father can murder his daughter, firm in the belief that her death returns honour to her family.  I cannot understand the mindset.  I really really can’t and I felt physically sick upon hearing of it.

I do so fear for mankind, for it is my belief de-evolution is upon us as we fast return to our primitive past, our thinking primitive as we step backward towards the swamp from which we came…

Further reading that might interest:
Global Health Action: Gender roles and their influence on life prospects for women in urban Karachi, Pakistan: a qualitative study 
BMC Public Health: Male gender preference, female gender disadvantage as risk factors for psychological morbidity in Pakistani women of childbearing age - a life course perspective
Quranic Path: Stoning to Death:  A Violation of the Qur’an 
AljazheeraPakistani women stoned to death by her family

Video: courtesy of YouTube

Friday, 9 May 2014

Iron Fist

I love Putin she often says
as beguiling smile spreads
like rays of rising sun
‘cross her oft troubled face. 

This day, now, we lie lazily on her bed
as news of Ukraine
fills breadth and depth of TV screen and she,
mischievously, tugs at me;
she sings then asks: What language that? 

Russian I reply (with friendly smile).  

And thunder cracks the twinkle from her eyes
and she screams: 
My God I hate, despise you,    hate hate hate!
You’re stuck inside my f*cking head.
I’m gonna kill myself, be dead dead dead!
(And snarl parts her lips and venom spits.) 

Oops, wrong answer (thinks I)
and cross arms to cushion blows aimed at chest. 
C’mon I say, we’re friends; but diatribe persists
and she flies at me with flailing fists
and I get up to leave, say:
I won’t listen to this anymore;
and ignore her jibes and walk away.

Elsewhere, a million miles away,
in Donetsk, Kramatorsk or some other city, town,
she sits forlorn, (another troubled soul)
fists in futile fury curled,
scorned by those who wish to separate
those once she viewed as welcome friends;
she wants an end to it, an end to it all,
but fears it will end   as in the past,
the days of old
where peace was wrapped constrained
in iron grip of fist of bitter cold.

I hate this, I hate hate hate this
(she thinks) and sinks into her misery.

Anna :o]

Claudia at  at dVerse  has us writing of conversation/dialogue in poetry and above is my take on it.

The little lady first featured was singing her rendition of Kalinka and she was annoyed I recognised the language.  She, not Russian herself, firmly believes she is, a member of the higher echelons no less, who enjoys the ear (and she –she would have you believe, the bed) of Putin.  Her dearest wish is that Putin will enter Kiev, triumphant, with the entire ‘Red Army’ close behind him singing Kalinka to their hearts content…

This world is full of a multitude of madness’s and the second little lady exists in the real madness that is Ukraine.  Listen to some of the unheard voices and wonder what mad political games the superpowers are playing…anywhere and everywhere in this world of ours...

PS I love the Red Army Choir, just love it; introduced to the magnificence of their wonderful voices at the city hall of  the city in which I lived as a spotty teenager – I have loved and listened every since.  Of the video – those idiots cavorting round the stage should be shot at dawn – how in this age we cheapen the beautiful…   

Also entered today (11.05.14) at the Poetry Pantry at Poets United - thanks to Mary for hosting.

Video:  Courtesy of YouTube

Friday, 2 May 2014


This wondrous gift of life we should embrace
and live each day as if it were our last,
for all too soon our time on this earths grace
is lost in heartbeats pulsed, becomes our past. 
I shall not sleep in dreams of darkest night
nor shall I hide in guard of folded wing,
instead I shall succumb to endless flight
as high above this earth I soar and sing
the praises joy of every welcome breath,
inhale my world ‘fore starlight flickers low
and new life springs upon my wondrous death
as I brave into new horizons go,
and leave unto this earth my legacy,
myself alive in feathered progeny.

Anna :o]

Tony at dVerse has us writing sonnets and this offering has taken me hours and I think the close is pretty poor – so I will continue to rethink it…

Also, I have messed about with ‘Word’ and have no idea how to undo what I did – as I am not sure what I did.  Problem is if I attempt to edit, Word vacuums up whatever follows – does anyone know what I have done and how to fix the mess I have made?  Suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

 Image: Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Saturday, 26 April 2014

This Place

There is decay here,
an almost death,
a dying of a heart.

in this place this town,
behind shuttered windows
shuttered doors
lays desolation emptiness,
history long ago     
into echoes in its walls.

And in this doorway
here he sits, half in half out,
looks up as water spouts from cluttered gutter,
cascading down on already sodden hair. 
He plays well his part, knows his well-practiced line.
This waif this clean-shaven ragamuffin
(Sim Free buzzing in his pocket)
waits for the next passing soft-hearted sucker
and grinning, he thinks he sees her coming. 
This is it (he thinks) and he plays his part,
wears his most soulful face and utters:
Can you spare a penny missus?

She hasn’t any and hurries by. 
She wears the worries of this winter,
can differentiate
twixt wants and needs,
knows an empty purse
will not feed her waiting wailing mouth
shivering in his shabby buggy.

Across there,
the market square, once bristling –
now bare and barren
bar dog leading doleful master. 
He [dog] cocks leg into the air,
fountains golden arc into
downpour splattering from the highest heavens. 
They walk a little further and he [dog]
bobs down and defecates. 
Master looks around
and sin unseen (he thinks) they carry on.  
Someone else’s job (he smugly muses).

(She has seen both man and dog,
 tuts in disgust and scurries to the docks,
hoping praying for a waiting sailor.)

The Jolly Roger is nigh going under…  
Outside, paint cracked and peeling –
and over there,
seagulls squawking screeching squealing
squabble over tasty morsels
titbits of last evening’s discarded drunken suppers.

Inside, mein host, angst-ridden
raises a silent toast in hope
of better-things-to-come,
hopes the louts of yesterday
will come again tonight,
the louts who cuss and fight with who/whatever/over
their half-dressed drunken flirting foul-mouthed tarts. 
(At least they bring a paltry income in.) 
He sighs;
there is a poverty in our young (he thinks) –
a poverty of ideas. 
But they are all he has as docks lay ship-empty –
as empty as his once-stuffed till.

The lout – still in his doorway,
Sim Free buzzing in his pocket,
begs beer money as another sucker passes.

There are no ships here,
no sailors here to buy her body,
her body once freely given
to some loud-mouthed cocky lout
(Sim Free buzzing in his pocket);
she then discarded like some drunken supper.

She has no hope. 
She has nothing
but a poverty –

a poverty of ideas.

Anna :o]

The above are imaginations based on observations of my once-bustling & vibrant town centre.  My town centre is dying – and being allowed to die as my myopic council refuse to lower rents.  And on the town’s peripheries, supermarkets flourish…

Entered at OLN at dVerse, hosted by the lovely Beth – thanks Beth.  
Entered today (28.04.14) at Poets United Poetry Pantry - hosted by the lovely Mary - thanks Mary.

Image: Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Rept0n1x

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Little Things

The littlest things mean a lot is often said
and how true when you are dead and gone
for how long and wide the plot    matters
when you are squashed beneath the sod –
how undignified. 

Tis not only mourners cried –
pallbearers too with body pains
and aches as they undertake
delivery to your god
and crumble under the weight of it –
of you. 

So what to do? 

Sutton Bridge and Wingland PC have it all worked out;
PC they are and recognise your need
of a greater place of rest; best interests
served for those demised deemed supersized
and indeed for those who bear the load,
your place, your last abode
will not be far in those green fields,
but near as dammit by the road.

Little things mean the most.

Anna :o]

Björn at dVerse has us writing poetic journalism and above is my effort, based on this article that appeared in today’s The Telegraph.  Thanks for the inspiration Björn.

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Dennis Turner

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Third Person Singular

This day has promise (she thinks)
as sun blinks through clouds
that only seemed to offer grey. 

She pours herself a drink
and gulps in earnest hope,
a hope the twitter-birds will stay away. 
But no, here they come
with their ever helpful words
(they think) (they think by rote),
they must complete their tasks
and ask him if he wants to pee,
needs to change his pad
and she says:
He goes himself, please don’t baby him;
in hope that they will maybe listen, comprehend,
but no, instead, off they go (by rote);
Would you like a cup of tea,
breakfast; here’s your meds. 

Promoting independence – bah! 

At midday, here comes the ha-ha bird,
all bright and cheerful with her ha-ha words;
and all she wants is for her to go away –
but no she won’t, she will fulfil her tasks
and asks him if he wants to pee,
to change his pad, does he want some tea,
a sandwich maybe and: Here’s your meds. 

By end of day ‘she’ (third person singular)
(with twitter-ha-ha birds words ringing in her head)
asks him if he wants to pee, to change his pad

and realises she is slowly going mad…

Anna :o]

This year has been ‘eventful’ for me and my handsome one.  Handsome one has been quite unwell and required hospitalisation and his homecoming required that a ‘care package’ be put in place; otherwise he could not come home.

This care package gives me peace of mind when I am at work – but on days off it really makes me unhappy – it is so obtrusive and I want my (right of) privacy back – for me and my handsome one.  But I will have to go with the flow – for such is the power of social services…

Erm – please note the morning drink was coffee – although my evening drink (now) is somewhat alcoholic…

Brian, at dVerse has us writing ‘Self Portraits’ and the above is my offering of my self portrait of today.  In reality, the above is an understatement of ‘my today’ for this afternoon, if anything could go wrong – it did, as of a spanner in the works.  (Woe is me!)

Thanks dear Brian.

Image: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author: Delacroix, Eugene

Wednesday, 26 March 2014


My Bed by Tracey Emin
In utero, slumbering  
budding into fruitful blossom,
I awoke,    here,    in this place,
twixt linens pure, pristine & niveous,
now splattered haemochrome,
cast chaotic, torn of loves labours,
of earthly surrogate.

(She: accoucheuse, fat and hoary,
bites through umbilicus.)  

A birthing,
footling born of chaos
toe dipping into Mother Earth,
I sang of Satan, hailed his glory.

Women wailing 
cluttered into corners,
black in wretched robes of mourning,
mourning my deliverance,
freedom from confines of merest mortal,
accoucheuse bite   and worldly tether torn.

Oh you fools virid of envy,
minds icteritious of greed –
how well you do my work,
feed my lust my hunger 
my want of your destruction,
stoke fires of your eternal hell.

The devils spawn,
I am born of your desire,
you harbingers of the death,
destroyers of all tomorrows, 
how well you do my work!

Do my work,
rape your Earth,
bleed her dry.

I shall spread my wings
fly into your tomorrows,
suck sulphureous sun cerulean skies
into my atrous heart.

(Wings fluttering will cast a storm  
the like you’ve never known.)

Anna :o]

Ooh err – a bit grim innit?  Didn’t know where this was going when I scribbled the first few lines for Magpie Tales, and dVerses latest prompt – The Colour Festival - somehow got rolled in – but the result ended up totally inappropriate for the joyous message of said prompt.

So rolled into the innocence of birth is the chaos theory and global warming…  What are your thoughts on same?  Do you believe our actions today – in raping our planet – will leave an unthinkable legacy to our children and grandchildren – as in the chaos theory?  Do you think climate change is a natural cyclical event (I do) but are scared stiff that mans’ actions will exacerbate/accelerate these changes (I am)?

Thanks to Tess at Magpie Tales for the initial inspiration and Abhra at dVerse (not entered there); also entered at Real Toads – thanks Kerry.

Also entered today (29.3.14) at Open Link Night at dVerse - with thanks to Claudia for hosting.

Images: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons    (1)   (2)
Authors: US Government. (1)     Commander Mark Moran, of the NOAA Aviation Weather Center, and Lt. Phil Eastman and Lt. Dave Demers,  of the NOAA Aircraft Operations Center. (2)