Wednesday, 21 February 2018

That Still Small Voice

The conscience. 2015. Oil on canvas


Inside, that still small voice hides
beneath the bundles of my goodest deeds,
my vain attempts at conscience salving.   
Try as I might I cannot heal the wound that I have made,
those injurious words that cut you deep,
harmed the very heart of you.

You say that’s its okay that we all say words
that we regret when anger rises rules our tongue,
your selfless kindness marks you out above myself,
the selfish self-crucifying pity-me that I am. 
Me, I wonder if I grieve for you,
the wound you bear, given as if some awful gift
or do I grieve for me, self-harmed am I in uttering words
that never needed saying.

You say that its okay, what’s done is done
and should not mar our friendship
that you have forgiven me and we should return
to how we used to be, before your trust in me was broken.  
You are repaired now or at least you say you are, but me,
I can’t quite forgive myself and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to do for (my) anguished heartfelt sorry
will never ever be enough, will not repair the harm I’ve done
to self-pitying little me.

Anna :o]

For Susan at Poets United whose prompt word is Voice.  Cheers Susan!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia
Author/artist:  Andrey Mironov

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Outsider


Look-see, a dead bird prostrate on the grass,
it’s a chick; grey, pink, her skin almost translucent. 
Life didn’t last long, just fleeting, a featherless life.  
She’s gone;  cats had her teeth in her maybe. 
Possibly not – no discernible suffering… 
Maybe she just spilled out of the nest
or maybe she just didn’t belong.

Anna :o]

For Hedge's 55.

Also shared with the good folk at Poets United.  Cheers for hosting Mary.

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons 
Author:  Tony Wills:   

Thursday, 8 February 2018

Shoes



Shoes, orthopaedic, custom made,
casual style yet strong and sturdy, black and shiny,                                                          
Velcro strapped for ease and comfort, unworn and waiting,
pristine condition, still in the box.

He refuses to wear them.

Why walk when one press of the buzzer will bring
some ‘f*cking lazy c*nt’ to stand in waiting,
waiting for his pathetic demands as he lives out his sick role in bed.
I am so so sick.

I am too weak to walk he will bleat, refusing physio,
all interventions aimed at moving him forward – for why walk
when you have your servants to do all your bidding,
when you can’t be bothered to lift even your tiniest finger.

Malingerer, that’s what he is.  Or is he?

When he screams at you, calls you a f*cking lazy c*nt –
why does he do that.  Ask yourself, look at his past.   
Look at his notes, read up his history and then you will know.

I wouldn’t like to wear his shoes either. 
They would stay in the box.  
 
Anna :o]

The above is a thumbnail of someone I knew, someone I cared for (and about) in my place of work.   (I am retired now.)   Despite his readiness to verbally abuse, be buzzer crazy, demanding of attention – I liked him and would give him at least thirty minutes of my time each shift.  We would chat, had a rapport, but that did not excuse me from the lash of his tongue outside these times.

Most presenting behaviours have a backstory… I knew of his.  I would not like to be him, stand in his shoes.

For Susan at Poets United, whose prompt is Shoes.

(I don't know why 'shiny' has given itself a line and I can't seem to correct it.)

Image:   Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons 

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Euthanise Me

Circus, Budapest, 19 May 1920
Andre Kersetz

Intensive interventions required:
thread in the needle,
fix in the line,
feed me my poison,
show me you care.

Death has remarkable beauty
a wonderful exit,
though I can’t claim experience.

Show me your mercy,
feed me my poison,
kill me with kindness.

I have rights y’know,     You Don’t!
Conscientious objectors have no place in medicine.

Anna :o]

Kerry at Real Toads offered the above image as a prompt, advising:  This challenge comes with a wide angle and any filter of your choosing. 

And thus ‘I see you’ became ICU, and this article I had not long read at BioEdge threw itself in the mix, resulting in the above.  Cheers for the inspiration Kerry!

Also entered at Joy's 55 – although it would read better with 56…  Cheers Joy!

Sunday, 28 January 2018

Consent


Consent is a Yes not an absence of No.
I say Please Don’t but you take me nevertheless.
Look at me look at me, passive and still.

I’m a tiny tiny bird, wings clipped, all feathers and fear.

Indifferent you are and once taken, you zip yourself up,
then leave without word and are gone.

Anna :o[

For Joy’s 55 and also shared with the good folk at Poets United, cheers all!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

The Power of NO


I have a voice you know, although you attempt to still it,
treat my so-called illness, fill me up with little pills
potted in your little cups you hand out as if a gift.

Silent you are in your contempt of me your control of me. 
So will I take your little pills, like hell I will,
you can stuff them up your arse. 

Anna :o]

Sumana at Poets United  asks us to consider Weapons and writes:  Weapons are varied; in fact anything can be turned into a weapon if the user wills.  One can Find one or Be one.  Now what do you say?  

It got me to thinking of my time working in a care home, a mental health unit, and how by merely being there, residents were disempowered.

It was within the residents rights to refuse their medication, but this almost always done so as a protest against a perceived problem and the resident would be angry and would not discuss it.

I would say the usual:  Okay ‘John’ I can see you’re angry, but refusing your meds won’t hurt me, but might hurt you.  I would be told to “F*ck off.”  I would then advise I would ask once more and if refused, would keep the meds until the next round –of course making sure if the meds were accepted then, I would remove any that ‘doubled’ the next dose.

My colleagues would moan when a resident refused meds as if somehow refusal affected their power (over others) the ‘authority’ they felt was theirs.  I always totally understood the refusal for this was the only real power the residents had. 

“NO!” was their weapon.  It is sad that they felt they needed it.

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons   
Author:  Peter Ziegler

Monday, 22 January 2018

Change


Creative writing has been part of me since I can’t remember when, but definitely early childhood. I love putting my thoughts to pen then paper and marvel at the process, wonder how my thoughts turn into the ink of the written word.

I would go to work with the adventure of a poetry prompt in my head, my trusty cheap notebook and my black pen - the pen had to be black with an extra-fine point.  My notebook and pen would be left in the office and as words appeared mysteriously in my mind, I would return as soon as possible to write them down, to savour them.  Sometimes, when work would not allow me to return, I would scribble them down on scraps of paper.  Once home, I made my words poetry.

But things change, real life changes and gets in the way, and I lost my creativity or lost the inspiration the desire to pursue it.  I desperately want to recapture it, and now and again I might find it, but for the most part, it remains elusive…

Snow leaves its blank page,
nature writing in footprints:
look, see, I was here.

Anna :o]

Kim at dVerse has us writing of communication through pen, or pencil, and paper.  I desperately tried to ignore this prompt, but inspired, I could not fight it.  So thanks Kim, your prompt has perhaps began to heal the wound.

Image: Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons
Author:  Anneli Salo

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Day's Eye


Imprecise: my calculations,
my measuring of your love of me. 
Do you love me do you love me not
depends upon the daisy plucked,
the petals pulled in earnest hoping. 

Vascular: let me run easy through your veins,
love me need me take me, feed on me until our waking,
meeting dawn with daisy eyes.

Anna:o]

Happily written for Joy’s Friday 55 at Verse Escape – cheers Joy!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons 
Author: Ntgr

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Do Elephants Have Souls?



There is mystery behind that masked gray visage, an ancient life force, delicate and mighty, awesome and enchanted, commanding the silence ordinarily reserved for mountain peaks, great fires, and the sea.
—Peter Matthiessen, The Tree Where Man Was Born

I am not humankind, my grey bulk
and all that makes me me betrays that. 
You say that I have lesser worth,
a soulless entity with mere instinct to survive. 
How do you know that? 
What arrogance you have.

Do you not think I feel hurt feel pain when you beat me?
(You know I do, for why else would you do that?)   
Do you think I have not the ability the capacity
to think, to love, to care, to fear, to grieve?  
Do you think I know not boredom, loneliness and frustration?    
How do you know that? 
What arrogance you have.

What arrogance you have to think this Earth exists merely as your plaything,
where we who are not you have no value. 
How arrogant are you who despoil this Earth,
you with this innate greed this want that dwells deep inside you.  
If your behaviour defines who you are, I would not want to be you.                           
Understand me now,
I am life,
I am sentient,
I am elephant,
My value is so so much more than tusk. 

Anna :o]

Susan at Poets United  has us writing our words of Psche/Soul and above is my offering.  Whilst searching for ideas on the innermost workings of the soul, I came across this article "Do Elephants Have Souls?" in The New Atlantis.  It is a captivating and oft moving read and I would strongly urge you to read it as it will open your mind.  You will need time though as it is a very long article, and at the time of writing, I am less than a third through.  As said, it is a very worthy read, so please do.

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Author:  Confidential

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Fear


Fear crept up on you,
do you feel it now,
how it tingles in your chest?    

Best take a tablet mother,
otherwise it’ll do you harm. 
Calm down, rest a while,
I’ll not bother you again...
then again,   I might... 
Night holds its fascinations,
temptations of the sordid kind. 

Mind if I visit you again?

Anna :o]

Marian at Real Toads  has us writing Chained Rhyme, that is where the last syllable or word of each line if followed by a rhyme on the first word or syllable of the next line.  Cheers for the inspiration Marian!

Also entered for Verse escape 55 where we can write on any theme using only 55 words.  Cheers Hedgewitch!

And shared with the good folk at Poets United hosted by the lovely Mary, so another cheers!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Author:   Gert Germeraad

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Time passes...


Mind alert, she views her body,
wondering if she’ll see tomorrow
as clock ticks and marches time upon the mantel.

She is ancient, skin dry and wrinkly,
bones old and spindly,
loose flesh clinging as if an afterthought.

Her legs and arms are spindle thin,
thinly layered in parchment skin that 
cracks and sheds, slowly mapping her decline. 
But her legs serve her well.

Although bladder weakened, she unaware
of stale odours scenting, rising from the cushioned chair
on which she sits, hunched and almost day imprisoned. 
She still has time (she thinks) to totter, hand between her legs,
to the commode she hides beneath the stairs. 
Relieved, another battle won! 
(Just a little leak (she thinks), she’ll change her panties later,
delay the effort in the changing.)

She looks at her hands, fingers gnarled, bent,
bowing to disease that wreaks havoc on her tiny body 
(I have shrunk y’know, she’ll say),
these fingers that once knit hats and tiny jumpers
for her little men, her loving lovely little boys. 
Her boys, men now (God love’m) treat her well,
love her like there is no tomorrow,
knowing her tomorrow might never break in morning glory.

She will leave them one day, she knows that,
it forever playing on her mind,
wondering if she’ll see tomorrow
as clock ticks and marches time upon the mantel,
ticking out her slow decline.

Anna :o]

Sumana at Poets United has us writing about the Body and above is my offering.  Cheers for the inspiration Sumana!

Please know, despite being ancient, the words are not of me.  Well, maybe some of them are…

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Author:  DanielPenfield

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Guilt



Still dozy with lack of sleep, she looks out through the French doors, and although winter, the garden looks neat and clean, almost fresh, the night’s rain cleansing the detritus that had littered the path, washing it into the gravelled gully and the finality of the drain.

She wishes her soul could be cleansed like that, her sins washed away, for she finds them hard to bear.  She had loved him for sure, oh how she had loved him, still loves him.  He had become that beautiful heart beating away inside her, giving her completeness, giving her joy. 

Then he had left her and despite her pleading would not return.  Broken and bitter she had taken awful revenge, and in destroying him she had damned herself forever, her heart heavy with guilt, hers a conscience that could never be salved. 

Dark days are ending,
spring offers promise of hope,
weeds litter the path.

Anna :o]

Susan has us Poets United has us writing of door(s) – cheers Susan!

Despite reading the prompt yesterday, nothing came to mind, and it was not until this morning, when I looked out of the French doors, that inspiration came.  Please note that the words are pure fiction as I haven’t destroyed anyone – yet! :o]

I did take a pic of said doors and garden, but unfortunately can’t locate the up/download thingy, so the image echoes the haiku.

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons
Author:  Ernst Schütte

Sunday, 31 December 2017

Rumours

Satan Sowing Tares

I stitch rumours in the seams of your doubts, lest you forget the slivers of truth in their meaning, the truth in their aching.

You ask their significance but I say there is nothing to tell, you yourself must seek out the difference of the dark from the light.

You ask:  The Almighty? And I say:  Maybe, maybe that’s so.  But strip the vines from your heart that tighten and strangle, and with this freedom untangled let your truths break out in their boldness and let your light shimmer through.

But is my truth your truth? you ask and I say I don’t know.  You and I, we are souls lost in the middle of unknowing and knowing, and I don’t have a definitive answer, I can only offer my feelings, things I feel that I know.

Just look all around you, I say (with a nod and a smile).

There is a doubling of doubt, a ditching of hope as you look all around you, see the fires of hell burning at the behest of mankind, and you boil in your anger finding darkness the answer and you scream in your knowing as you switch out the misery of all of the lights.

Anna :o[

Brenda’s Wordle 332 asks us to use the following words in our words (!):  Boil, ditch, light, lost, middle, mighty, nothing, rumours, seams, sliver, tell & vine.  Above is my offering and rather grim don’t you think?

So on a happier note, hope you have a most wonderful New Year (and don’t worry about breaking your resolutions, most of us, all of us (?) do…I do…)

Also shared with the good folk at Poets United, hosted by Mary - cheers Mary, and New Year wishes to all at PU too!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Thursday, 21 December 2017

Kissing



Kissing right, do I kiss right? 
I dunno, but I do know that I love you, right? 
I’m new to this, this kissing thing, this boyfriend thing,
this thing that makes me feel so good inside.
I love you, right? 
OMG, I love you so much I do I do I do. 
I   LOVE   YOU!

You make me feel so good inside,
didn’t know I'd an empty space inside,
just waiting for this love of you. 
I love you, right? 
Yes I do I do I do!  I DO!

But do I kiss right?

Anna :o]

Karin at Real Toads asks us to pick a letter at random, attach a word to it and let our minds take us where they will.  Cheers for the inspiration Karin!

I stole my letter from Karin’s name, which in turn became ‘kissing’ and my mind became flooded with that first romance and all the insecurities that came with it. Did I kiss right?  I dunno…

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to all of you!  Have a good’n!

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author: Takuma Kimura

Friday, 15 December 2017

Kerbs



Scoliosed, hips misaligned,
I tend to bend towards the right. 
Each step an art, the art of balance
jumbled with the art of falling. 
Each kerb itself a precipice -
a long way down if I should tumble -
a worry then,
a constant need of (re)calculation.

Anna :o]

Thoughts of an ancient one of how advancing years exacerbate…no self-pity intended. :o] 

(I really do have to think (and plan) before stepping off a kerb, (definite balance issues) – stepping up/on is no problem.  I wrote the words above several months ago and filed away they were, until the frost and snow and ice came and like each year, I began to experience the fear the dread of walking upon these seasonal gifts…)

Shared with the good folk at dVerse, hosted by Björn- cheers Björn!  Also many thanks to all the good folk who have hosted dVerse across the year – I am so grateful for your company.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to one and all!

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author:  Nigel Mykura

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Cold


The first flurry brought with it the purest of snow,
and the wind fell and there was comfort
in the stillness of silence.   And we breathed.
(Oh how we breathed and loved that first breath.)

Then fall after fall swirled round our loose feet
‘til our imprints lay hidden as we blackened the earth.
 (There is treachery underfoot, it deep and firm-rooted.)

The bantams stay in their coop, rarely venture their run.
Outside it is too cold for comfort and huddle they do,
claws clasped round their roost.  The feeder is full
and the nest box lays empty as eggs lie unlaid and future is lost.

You are cold; there is ice in your veins. 
I effort a warm glow but can’t undo what is done.

You whisper in echoes and shout in your warnings
as we gorge in our feeders ‘til the feeders lay empty
and then lost and defeated, you are gone you are gone 
you are gone.

And there is nothing left bar this strange comfort of cold
as it numbs up our veins and freezes our dull minds…
and we are gone we are gone we are gone

Anna :o]

Shared with the good folks at Real Toads – cheers for hosting Rommy!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons

Author: Gpmg

Thursday, 7 December 2017

Sand



I grasp at the sand as it spills through my fingers, spilling itself on itself.

The grains are innumerable but desperate I count them, single grain after grain, this til my voice rasps with the burden, the burden of counting, the terrible aching, the aching of hoping, and the forlornness of hope...

Shifting and penetrable, the violence is sudden, the wind in its rushing, and taken I am and moulded to nature, thus I become.

There is grit in my teeth in the aching of waiting and tired of it all, I gently succumb.

Anna :o]

Victoria at dVerse has us writing a symbolic poem and above is my offering.  Cheers Victoria

I’m really not quite sure if my words are symbolism or metaphor….


Image:  Courtesy of Pixabay.

Saturday, 2 December 2017

I Like My Ladies Thin

Reginald Southey Lewis Carroll (1857) Fair Use
 

I like my ladies thin, very thin,
skeletal one might say. 
(One’s chuckling at one’s humour here,
what a *card one is and some might even dare a cad!)

I like my ladies thin, very thin. 
One’s want of flesh is not between the sheets
rather that of between the teeth, all rip and tear,
blood dribbling down my yearning chin   as one bites
through the tenderist of the most purest fairest skin,
ravishes the thrill of gore of blood and flesh and gristle,
spilling lovingly from my lovely wanting maiden.

(I daresay you might think one odd,
but mine is an all consuming passion!)

And now she naught but bones,
refashioned she is in skeletal form, born again she is,
she mine all mine for I like, no I love my ladies thin.

Anna :o]

*Card:  (old-fashioned informal) a funny or strange person.

Kerry at Real Toads has us writing an ekphrastic poem inspired by the photograph above.  Brilliant challenge Kerry – loved it!

Sunday, 26 November 2017

He Cometh


I don’t recall when I first began to think about death, my death, but I do know it wasn’t that long ago.  Until that time (whenever it was) although realising I was not immortal, I probably considered I was, for death was not a thing ever imagined, not an option, only life was. 

My death thoughts probably were given to me by protagonists of other stories, stories that weren’t mine, stories based on the fear of tomorrow, stories of worries that a tomorrow wasn’t possible.  These stories, these worries are now mine, an unwanted gift, unwrapped and laid bare, scarring my soul.

He slies in the night
salt and peppering my hair,
seasoning the fall. 

Anna :o]

Shared with the good folk at Poets United, hosted by the lovely Mary – cheers Mary!

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author:  Incry

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Hedgehog: Thoughts as hibernation ends.



Air warms,
I stir,
awaken from my torpor. 

I hunger,
crave slugs crave sex. 

“Watch out!” I cry
as I emerge into the night.

Anna :o]

Kim at dVerse challenges us to write a new poem, of any length or form, about an animal in a human way or a human in an animal way, highlighting some trait of the animal/human that either sets us apart or brings us together.  Cheers for the inspiration Kim.

Also shared with the good folk at Real Toads Tuesday platform, cheers Sanaa. 

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Author:    T137

Sunday, 19 November 2017

It's in the Walls...



Gone are they that dwelt before,
no warning click of closing door,
no drunkard’s feet to pound the floor,
they’re gone they’re gone they’re gone.   

Gone is she enslaved to sink,
in fear of him his knowing wink,
for wild is he consumed with drink
(they’re gone they’re gone they’re gone).

No more she flung upon the bed,
a feast of lust before him spread,
abused and used and left for dead. 
She’s gone she’s gone she’s gone.

And there stood he of death accused,
found guilty then and life to lose
he felt sharp tug of hangman’s noose.  
He’s gone he’s gone he’s gone

And here evil dwells as did before,
it soaks the walls it soaks the floors. 
I beg you please ne’er cross this door. 
Be gone be gone be gone.

Anna :o]

Brendan at Real Toads challenges us to write words which involve Doors and above is my offering.  Cheers Brendan!

Also shared with the good folk at Poets United.

Brrr!  I’m cold!  The central heating’s dead and closed doors make little difference.  (Hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow.)

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Meteors...

Refugee Drawing Title : Yesterday.


The ocean our cosmos,
cast adrift we were
neath a myriad of stars.

Sun beats at our bodies,
salt sucks at our tongues,
wind chills to the marrow,
sea calls us and calls us,
bids us beneath it
and dampened our spirits
we wretched,
succumb.

Cast adrift we were
neath a myriad of stars,
the ocean our cosmos
and our hearts full of hope.

Lost we are. 
Lost we are. 
A showering of lost souls,
flooding the sea.

Anna :o[

Susan (at Poets United) provides us with the prompt of Meteor Showers and asks us to take it where we will.  I am not sure the above is what was asked for – but it is what came to mind.  Cheers for the inspiration Susan!

(Little is heard now of the refugee crisis as I guess it is ‘old news’ and maybe we have become numbed to it – but it still exists…)

Also shared with the good folk at dVerse OLN, hosted by the lovely Toni.  Cheers and Happy Birthday Toni!

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author:  Polviak

Sunday, 12 November 2017

Hell Cannot Be As Bad As This


Hell cannot be as bad as this.

Entrenched,
I dwell amongst; exist amidst
a stinking mound of fallen men
who lie dead-eyed
in bubbling broth of shit and piss.
Earth moves as worms writhe
and feast on human flesh,
rats gnaw deep exposing bones
and in this mess a wounded soldier 
groans and screams in unremitting pain
and longs for sweet release of death,
long lost his dream of going home.

Half-mad, I suck (the breath) in deep,
let it cling to chest lest it be the last I draw. 
Sometimes when morning breaks like this,
illuminates lights up the carnage spread before
or in the black of night
when imagination plays its cruellest tricks,
I think death much more preferable to this.

What price this place in human life is made? 
How many soldiers’ hearts must spill their blood,
lay still upon its soil its stinking mud
until its final cost is paid?

Anna

The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand the catalyst for what was to become The First World War, the first mindless, global war brought about by the insanity of the treaty alliance system, the war to end all wars…

The Battle of Verdun was the longest and one of the major battles fought on the Western Front and according to modern estimations the casualty count is in the region of 976,000.

The poem is composed of eye-witness accounts of life in the trenches found here and at other sites dedicated to The Battle of Verdun.

With thanks to Tess at The Mag for the inspiration, also linked to the good folk at dVerse~Poets PubOpen Link Night.

(Apart from minor editing, the words are of the original post.  The image differs as upon searching, I found the original copyrighted.)


I first posted these words on 14/11/12, and have reposted today as they remain relevant to all who have sacrificed their lives in the terrible arena of that that is war.

War does not only touch our soldiers who battle conscripted or not, but also civilians, and the death toll, the carnage, defies imagination.

Of course I am anti-war, but realistic enough to realise that conflict is sometimes neccessary to uphold to defend that that is good, that that is right.   Unfortunately the conflict of war is more often decided on the greed of humankind, whether it be for territory or the control of hearts and minds or any other pitiful excuse.

We will never learn for like it or not, we are tribal.

(I wear a red poppy although my heart tells me white.)

(Shared with the good folk at Poets United.)

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author:  Baldridge, Cryus Leroy (1889-1977

Thursday, 9 November 2017

Traffic



She wears attire that fails to flatter,
fancy up her bag of bones. 
But no matter,   for her allure lies within for him
and those who rush to follow,
with their grubby hands and grubby minds,
for she is nothing more than nothing.

Once done they finger trace the lines
the needle tracks to crook of arm,
the foul evidence of ignoble gain,
their power play of bodies.

And here lies she drugged-up half-dead
mouthing silent hate through lips til soon
forever silenced.

Anna :o]

Sumana at Poets United has us writing of silence and above is my offering.  Cheers Sumana!

Image:  Courtesy of  Wikimedia Commons  

Author:  Worldwide Documentaries

Thursday, 2 November 2017

Child



Skin translucent
almost transparent,
I see inside her.   

Cachexic, body eats itself,
leaves naught but bony barren mountains;
blood slows in stagnant purple rivers.   

Whimpering,
head turns then body arches
as pain plays out its awful cruel game.

And here sit I,
a useless helpless heartless mamma
wishing she would fade away.

Oh how I have called out His Name,
begged Him to take her love her take her,
gave her up in sweet surrender,

yet He seems to want her not.

How I would love to lie beside her,
cradle her in loving arms,
whisper that I will always always love her

while wishing she would  gently

gently

fade

away…


Shared with the good folk at dVerse OLN hosted by the lovely Grace.  Cheers Grace!

3.11.17 (19:30)
In view of the kind concerned comments from Glenn and Frank (of which I thank them deeply for) I thought it right that I should add this note.

I wrote these words late last year after having been directed to a Facebook page in which a very caring father made the decision to publish a photograph of his four year old daughter who was in the last stage of cancer.

The photograph is very harrowing and haunted me for a long time.  It is true that opening up the page again (as I have not long done) has left me emotionally shattered and I have cried again.  However I am fully behind his brave decision, as we who have never been in this awful situation view childhood cancers as in the images that we normally see, of smiling bald little children with teddies and balloons and we are comfortable with that.  But the reality is far removed from that of happy little smiling faces.

Seeing Jessica’s picture last year reminded me of watching my dad die of cancer many moons ago, and the words I wrote are of him too and how helpless I felt at the time.   He was diagnosed three weeks before his death.  As any loving daughter would be, initially I was praying for him to live to be cured, but not long after, oh how hard and oh how often I prayed for him to die, to be relieved from the torment of his unstoppable pain.

I cannot even come close to imagining how I would feel if I had had to watch my child die. 

It is essential that more money is poured into the research of childhood cancer.

Writing this has left me torn as to whether I should direct you to the page, but it is so that Jessica’s dad wanted the world to know the reality, the awful truth of childhood cancers.  I would suggest however that if you are emotionally fragile at present, that you do not open it.  It is here.

Peace dear little Jessica.

 Anna

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Artist:  Edvard Munch  (1863–1944)