Were
I not ensanguined I would bleed pity into your callous heart.
*
Blunt
rejection implodes ego, hate blurs self-perceived kindheartedness
*
Excised
heart lies cold upon the butchers slab, revenge keeps it beating.
*
Revenge
best eaten cold, hell no; pray hard, there’s fire in my belly.
*
Belly
full of you, I spill memories until I run on empty.
*
Empty,
I am yesterday; tomorrow has no need for warm embrace.
Anna
:o]
Gay
at dVerse has us writing American Sentences, these an American haiku invented
by Allen Ginsburg. Each line/sentence
consists of seventeen syllables and should tell a complete story.
Image:
Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
33 comments:
oo nice...that last one on yesterday and today...the belly full of you one as well....some really nice emotion you garnered in quite a few of them...
Wonderful... I was completely enraptured by the first one. :-)
-HA
Extremely good.
Lovely share though 3rd & last one stood out for me ~ Hope you are well Anna ~
It is always hard to think that sometime in the future there will be no need for a warm embrace. Running on empty is hard indeed.
ouch... really well done ~
Having just watched CSI this is graphically and poetically so good! Well done.
This is a great piece! As my favorite songwriter wrote, "heartache ain't a thing I'd recommend." :-)
This is wonderfully written. Lots of raw emotion evident in this piece.
You have written these from the heart and from the 'gut.' Definitely strong writing!
Excellent language - I really appreciate this precision - this is poetry crafted with a scapel getting to the nervous center of pain, hurt, and the reactions to it. Wonderfully done.
oh heck...all of them heavy with emotions... very nice...the one with the heart on the butchers slab...dang... tightly woven anna
This has a very unique feel to it..
I like how you moved the sentence endings to sentence beginnings...as you carry us through the levels of disappointment...love the first line.
Very palpable hurt and pain in this poem! "Belly full of you, I spill memories until I run on empty" - great line!
I love how these stand alone and combine to make a breathtaking poem. I want to help you get revenge now...
spilled emotions..
loved it..
the last two reading taking from the previous line. lovely!!
'Empty, I am yesterday; tomorrow has no need for warm embrace.' - my fav., good reminder to stay in now... ~ Clever writing.
Painful moans of rejection and revenge..hmm..better to empty the
belly of bad memories..strong emotions felt..
Wow brilliantly done...loved the emotions you weaved into each line. Would surely try American sentences some day!
I admire your progression with these sentences. Strong, stunning imagery. esp. the butcher's slab. then there is the wonderful kapow of "there's fire in my belly" So much enjoyed!
I think these are wonderful, and I like the way they build into a narrative.
First one caught me off guard. After that blood bath, I kept trying to get up, but gained no ground.
What a STORY in a string of excellent "seventeens"...
I know several (two female, one male) embroiled in like conditions.
Difficult to LET GO, and not try to run their lives
One read-through and I thought they were all excellent. I will enjoy re-reading them to dig deeper. ~e:p
Strongly evocative I could really feel each one. You captured some real truths in these. Excellent!
I think they fit the form brilliantly. I can't say which one I like best. You've obviously got the hang of this form. You tucked a tale into every line.
Woah - stunning write with the ouch factor - you did well :-)
The rules, you nailed em and left the reader sorting out their own emotions.
The heart on the butcher-board... so vivid and tells it all...
What an interesting idea. That one about no warm embrace... wow!
My favorite line:
"Revenge best eaten cold, hell no; pray hard, there’s fire in my belly."
I also have no patience when it comes to wanting revenge.
Neither do I know what was intended by the prompt, but you created some gems of bleeding emotion.
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