Thursday, 14 November 2013

Rejection



Were I not ensanguined I would bleed pity into your callous heart.
*
Blunt rejection implodes ego, hate blurs self-perceived kindheartedness
*
Excised heart lies cold upon the butchers slab, revenge keeps it beating.
*
Revenge best eaten cold, hell no; pray hard, there’s fire in my belly.
*
Belly full of you, I spill memories until I run on empty.
*
Empty, I am yesterday; tomorrow has no need for warm embrace.

Anna :o]

Gay at dVerse has us writing American Sentences, these an American haiku invented by Allen Ginsburg.  Each line/sentence consists of seventeen syllables and should tell a complete story.

Not certain if the above is what Ginsburg  or Gay had in mind…

Image: Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Fragile_Emotion.jpg: Don from Murfreesboro, TN



34 comments:

Brian Miller said...

oo nice...that last one on yesterday and today...the belly full of you one as well....some really nice emotion you garnered in quite a few of them...

howanxious said...

Wonderful... I was completely enraptured by the first one. :-)
-HA

Liz Rice-Sosne said...

Extremely good.

Grace said...

Lovely share though 3rd & last one stood out for me ~ Hope you are well Anna ~

Mary said...

It is always hard to think that sometime in the future there will be no need for a warm embrace. Running on empty is hard indeed.

grapeling said...

ouch... really well done ~

Mystic_Mom said...

Having just watched CSI this is graphically and poetically so good! Well done.

Katie said...

This is a great piece! As my favorite songwriter wrote, "heartache ain't a thing I'd recommend." :-)

Optimistic Existentialist said...

This is wonderfully written. Lots of raw emotion evident in this piece.

Mary said...

You have written these from the heart and from the 'gut.' Definitely strong writing!

Beachanny said...

Excellent language - I really appreciate this precision - this is poetry crafted with a scapel getting to the nervous center of pain, hurt, and the reactions to it. Wonderfully done.

Claudia said...

oh heck...all of them heavy with emotions... very nice...the one with the heart on the butchers slab...dang... tightly woven anna

Ghadeer said...

This has a very unique feel to it..

kkkkaty said...

I like how you moved the sentence endings to sentence beginnings...as you carry us through the levels of disappointment...love the first line.

Loredana Donovan said...

Graphic descriptions of emotions. Well done :)

Gabriella said...

Very palpable hurt and pain in this poem! "Belly full of you, I spill memories until I run on empty" - great line!

Heidi said...

I love how these stand alone and combine to make a breathtaking poem. I want to help you get revenge now...

Jyoti Mishra said...

spilled emotions..

loved it..

Akila G said...

the last two reading taking from the previous line. lovely!!

humbird said...

'Empty, I am yesterday; tomorrow has no need for warm embrace.' - my fav., good reminder to stay in now... ~ Clever writing.

Truedessa said...

Painful moans of rejection and revenge..hmm..better to empty the
belly of bad memories..strong emotions felt..

Aditi said...

Wow brilliantly done...loved the emotions you weaved into each line. Would surely try American sentences some day!

janehewey said...

I admire your progression with these sentences. Strong, stunning imagery. esp. the butcher's slab. then there is the wonderful kapow of "there's fire in my belly" So much enjoyed!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I think these are wonderful, and I like the way they build into a narrative.

Steve E said...

First one caught me off guard. After that blood bath, I kept trying to get up, but gained no ground.

What a STORY in a string of excellent "seventeens"...

I know several (two female, one male) embroiled in like conditions.
Difficult to LET GO, and not try to run their lives

Eusebeia Philos said...

One read-through and I thought they were all excellent. I will enjoy re-reading them to dig deeper. ~e:p

pandamoniumcat said...

Strongly evocative I could really feel each one. You captured some real truths in these. Excellent!

TALON said...

I think they fit the form brilliantly. I can't say which one I like best. You've obviously got the hang of this form. You tucked a tale into every line.

ramblingsfromamum said...

Woah - stunning write with the ouch factor - you did well :-)

Manzanita said...

The rules, you nailed em and left the reader sorting out their own emotions.

Björn said...

The heart on the butcher-board... so vivid and tells it all...

Jenny Woolf said...

What an interesting idea. That one about no warm embrace... wow!

dlilahcarson said...

My favorite line:

"Revenge best eaten cold, hell no; pray hard, there’s fire in my belly."

I also have no patience when it comes to wanting revenge.

Martin said...

Neither do I know what was intended by the prompt, but you created some gems of bleeding emotion.