I have borne this burden with a martyr’s crown,
worn its thorns with a fractured smile
and for a while I tarried there,
but now with patience paled and tether torn
I find that I no longer care.
I must differentiate twixt love and hate
and tis true that I could not love you more,
yet anger dominates almost every passing thought,
lays heavy on this tired bleeding heart
and now I find I wish you dead.
Selfless I was but now selfish (if but to survive),
yet selfishness perpetuates this growing hate,
a hatred of what my life has become
and the tears I cry are for me – not you,
and all I want is for you to die.
Forgive me my love for these selfish thoughts
and you do know that I could not love you more,
but I can’t ignore these feelings that proliferate,
recur with every passing hour,
or deny that for me to live you must surely die.
I am so sorry my handsome one.
Tis true that of late, I have become entrenched in self-pity due to a series of events. My handsome one’s condition is accelerating in pace and the future is a frightening concept – something I will have to deal with – but don’t want to. Also PC problems have occurred – and are still occurring to a lesser degree - as in intermittent or no connection. I am heavily reliant on my PC for ‘companionship’ in my home life – it is a friend that talks back – and when there is no connection I am lost. What is there to come home to?
I think I have overcome this phase, but nevertheless, even though the anger has subsided, my ‘effort’ would say that it has not completely?
Kind regards from the morbid one!
PS: I have no intention of killing my handsome one!
Image: courtesy of WikimediaCommons