Saturday, 28 February 2015

Fear

Time has had enough of him,
his ailing mind, his failing heart,
his withered pained contracted limbs;
will time come for him tonight?

And what of him? 
The he that is him?  
What of him? 

Synapses ripped apart
all he only knows is fear. 
He is man come neonate,
mind dissolving with each passing hour;
returning to from wherence he came,
but to no comfort of the womb.

He is a tiny bird, mouth gapes
sensing every spoon
as if willing eternal life. 
And so he lives,
lives every hungry spoonful.

Yet with each
and every intervention
he dies a little more,
screams out in pain and fear
as mouth gapes
swallows each and every hungry spoonful
as if wiling time before.

He has no place here,
time has enough of him;
will it come for him tonight?

Anna :o]

The above words are of Ted, or maybe Theresa, who was a resident of ours.   Ted had end stage dementia yet hung onto life year upon year upon year.  He had no quality of life, all he had was fear.    And for him, I wanted him to die, so wanted him to die.

And this winter, he finally gave up.  RIP Dear Ted.

Linked to:  dVerse OLN    Thanks to all at the pub.

Image:  Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Nobuddy

23 comments:

Brian Miller said...

i have been there...hoping for one to die...so they are no longer in pain...because their quality of life could not be good...its a hard place of being...and you feel bad...but relieved as well...as we twist in our own feelings...

whenspaceissilence said...

Not an easy feeling. The hope to let them go, let them be free of pain, and the feeling of been hoping for something that one should not wish for. A difficult moment in life.

Heaven said...

How frightening to be in that situation ~ Hopefully he is now free of pain & fears ~ RIP to your friend ~

Thanks for sharing Anna ~

Mary said...

It is hard to understand that unless one has been at the side of one whose life has come to this. You have characterized the end of his life vividly. A slice of reality that is difficult to read...but needs to be.

Gabriella said...

This is a painful read but you convey the pian of living and the fear very acutely and powerfully. It is sad but sometimes we do wish for some people to die.

grapeling said...

powerful and sad... ~

Björn Rudberg said...

If just the fear and pain was absent.. But I do so understand that we would wish them to die.. But they hold on to something... So sad.

Claudia said...

if the only thing that is left is pain i can imagine how we want them to be able to leave - and sometimes yet they still hold on to life as hope usually dies last...

ADDY said...

How sad and beautifully written.

lucychili said...

i can see this. very difficult.

Frances Garrood said...

Anna, this rang so many bells. Parents, patients...and yesterday we lunched with a friend who longs for a peaceful death for her suffering husband, who's no longer the man she married.

my heart's love songs said...

a family friend had no one else, so my mother and i oversaw his care the last five years of his life ~ watching the progression of the dementia... horrific! fear seemed all he had left, as well. the end was truly a blessing.

Truedessa said...

It is sad when we see someone like this and it torments us to see the suffering.

Heidi said...

Rest in peace, Ted. In fear is a horrible way to live a life. I really like the baby bird imagery. It kind of scares me.

Oh, and hey Sweet Anna!

colleen said...

Very poignant and well described. I love the questions about what he of him. When I watched my brother die I knew his body died but couldn't figure out where "he" went.

annell said...

A very sad piece, sometimes it is death, sometimes it is life...it all can be hard.

Beachanny said...

You captured that helplessness we feel in the presence of dementia and Alzheimers. There is a sense of relief when they finally depart. It is not only a struggle for the one who is ill but also for the family. Very fine poem.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

This is very close to home for me! I continue to thank God my husband did not linger in such a state.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Such a visceral write--and so very sad---

Optimistic Existentialist said...

A very complex mix of emotions to be sure...

Kathy Reed said...

Oh, this is heart wrenching..did you hear the song by Glenn Campbell sung at the Oscars? "I'm never going to hold you like I did"....so difficult, but he also sings: "I'm not going to miss you", not that is is any consolation.

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