There is a whisper in each soft staccato
breath bringing awful ambience to the dying room
(she is crying now for death
of him will be the death of her
(she has a longing for the life of him.))
How odd it is til two weeks past he was
the man of her, all fit and strong, a belonging
of togetherness and then a stumbled
foot, a fall from grace meant
the end of all of it.
He is dying now and she is she
thinks, grateful for the rush of time, that
pain is not a part of it. She sits
and thinks of this sucking
in each soft staccato breath.
There is a certain peace to this (she thinks) til
suddenly (as if full of angst) he rises
from the bed and restless now he paces floor.
This weakens her equilibrium and she thinks
him an antagonist of acceptance.
(She is sick of herself for this.)
And then he dies.
(Her fall is in the death of him.)
Anna :o]
Today at dVerse De Jackson asks us to become enamoured
with enjambment. Cheers De Jackson! Above is my take – which may be enjambment or
not!
Image: Courtesy
of Wikimedia Commons
Author:
Exploti
16 comments:
LOVING all the parentheticals here, Anna. This is a powerful piece. So glad you linked up! :)
Loving the (thoughts) in the post as if there are two people here Anna ~ Funny how someone is so strong yet when they are sick or fall ill, they are helpless like a baby ~ But so sad on the dying, like a death wish ~
Hey, nice to see you ~
I had to read this one a couple times! Loved the way you used parentheses. It seemed he didn't die until he was good and ready!
Intense -- the mix of compassion, then selfishness, then guilt, then release.
Soooo cool
I have watched a few loved ones die -- ah the tension.
I like the flow of this,though it confused me, but that could be blamed on the late hour and long day. Peace,Linda
Oh I love how you have let the sentences roll around the lines to give power to the message. The death that is laden with both guilt, relief and sorrow.. Those feelings we all have during those last moments. Terrific writing (and the nested paranthesises really felt efficient,
I simply adore your use of parentheses :) such a vivid & powerful write.
brilliant lines - especially like the "antagonist of acceptance" (and the bracketed asides)
"Staccato breath" Great lines all!
Ah. What a melancholic write! Powerful and bringing to light the understanding of conflicting emotions under such harsh circumstances.
-HA
Death a curse
a blessing sometimes
same.. life a gift
hard to push
away
even
in death
or keep
at nows..:)
The real story is in the brackets, isn't it? Not the punning enjambment here, but an intriguing use of rolling lines which required rereading to get all the layers of meaning.
Anna, I think you've subtly embraced the prompt, making your pen a compelling story. ~
You took on a tough challenge here, and you did great! It helped to push your theme along.
Your blog is full of emotion and melancholy. Like life.
You're such a talented person. I hope you'll write more.
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