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| Michael 1976 |
He looks a lot smaller this day,
disappearing under the bed sheets,
shrinking into the mattress.
Everything is slowing down…
Soon everything will stop
and I wont know what to do with myself
I will be lost so very lost
without him.
Anna
My Michael passed away August 2021 at the grand old age of seventy-two. His death was expected. He was the love of my life.
Michael had been a resident in the most wonderful caring care home since 2014. It became his new home and he recognised the staff more than he did me and our two sons. This did not hurt us at all as it was proof of how much he was so loved by the staff and indeed he was. He felt safe, felt loved. His care was exemplary and how so evident this was in his last three weeks of life, staff visiting him on their days off or phoning in to see how he was, asking if he still was with us. Lovely lovely lovely people.
I wrote the above words sometime within these last three weeks, filled with grief of expected loss.
Our two sons and I found our eventual loss not as profound as we had expected it to be. Timewise our grief passed relatively quickly. I guess a slow separation had begun in 2014… the emotional distance.
I still find myself saying “Hello Michael” to his photograph and kissing him there. I like that. He is free and I am not lost. Loves ya Michael!
Shared with the lovely people at Poets and Storytellers United, hosted by Rommy – cheers Rommy!
17 comments:
Yes, it is often a long goodbye with dementia. But even expected deaths are a shock when they happen. How fortunate that your Michael was so dearly loved by his family and caregivers up until the very end.
This was so moving, Anna. It is warming to hear you don't feel lost and that he was loved so much right till the end.
Very moving and lovely words in this tribute and poem. Beautifully written.
This is so hopeful and lovely. How wonderful that your Michael was surrounded by kind people in the last years of his life. The expected loss can be no less painful.
Terribly terribly sad.Moving and beautifully expressed grief.....Rall
I had a friend who I lost to ALS about 11 years ago, and I remember the similar painful decline. Seeing it as freedom for such a brilliant and active soul helped ease some of the ache. I am glad you have that balm for your heart as well.
"Everything is slowing down…" Bless your heart. this is beautiful and lovong.
Anna, this has to be hard. I haven't experienced this yet, the closest was Mom. I still grimace a little when I think that all my life until then, I had a "mom". Now she was gone.
..
Well, he was a trendy young thing in 1976. I liked that look too.
Good that you're not really "so very lost without him" as you thought you would be.
Very touching It makes sense that a slow separation takes place because of dementia. He looks handsome on the photo and it's nice you can keep the memory close. So wonderful that he was cared for so well
I feel for you. Been there, done that. I am so glad your Michael went surrounded by love and care. It was quicker for my Andrew (my third husband, and happiest marriage - 20 years long). It was only a few months in the nursing home before he left us, and I'm glad to say he did always know me and other visitors. He too was in a good home, had good care and was surrounded by love, but had physical discomfort so I'm glad it wasn't long. That was 2012. One adjusts. I smile at his photo, and talk to him in my head...
Lost. God, I have used that term so much of late. Six weeks since my wife and my mother both died. And I so relate to being lost. I wander the house, lost. Thank you. You touched a deep emotion.
My mother is a dementia patient. I understand what Michael must have gone through and the vacuum left by his absence. Sometimes I try to imagine a life without my mother who at times thinks I am the housemaid. Honestly, I can't and run away from that thought.
The above comment was from my side
I'm dealing with the same sort of situation now. My husband has been in care
over a year, and I feel like he's already gone. I tell myself that there is
a part of the man I married tucked away inside.
((Hugs))
Such beautiful, poignant, words!
I found you (again) on one of my old Weekly Wanders blog posts. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died almost six years ago now, and I still miss him every day.
But, it gets easier.
Ursula x
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I came way too close, twice in the last several years, to losing my one and only love.
My husband had cancer and fought that battle successfully. Then the year after he was diagnosed with a congenital heart anomaly at the age of 54 and had to have urgent open heart surgery. I know how truly blessed I am to still have him with me. I feel deeply for you xo
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