Playing soldiers,
Playing tag;
Jump in puddles;
Rugby huddles;
Sly smoke of fag
Behind bike shed.
When at school
Defy the rules.
Spotty youths now -
Heart rules head.
Brain in trousers;
Hormone led.
Trainee men now;
Stories aimed to vex.
Sibling rivalry
Based on sex
And notches on the bed.
The easy cow,
So easily laid and
The triumph
Of the virgin maiden made.
Married now
And life passes by;
Kids grow up
And you heave a sigh
As you
Cannot realise
Where the years have gone
For that baby
That once was your son,
Your child,
Is now a man
And history
Repeats itself
As he relates
His conquests.
Many years ago
A quirk of fate
Decided
To rob you of your mind;
No more shared crosswords
Of the intellectual kind;
Or shared cross words
That is sometimes
Found in partnerships;
But not ours -
It was a melding of minds.
Your brothers
Who were supportive initially
Dropped by
Now and then
No longer do
Or phone
To enquire after you.
Where are you?
This was the first Christmas
And New Year
There was not
A sound from you.
Where are you?
My God
I know how hard it is
To lose someone
Who still lives.
But I will not
And cannot forgive
Your silence!
I hope you rot in hell!
Bitter Anna :o[
10 comments:
Very sad, Anna.
I rarely see my family - last time was 5 years ago - but I don't want to lose touch. It always feels like it's me doing the running but if that's the way it is, so be it.
Any way at all you can find out how to contact them?
Hi NT
They are a phone call or a thirty minute drive away. I will not do the running any more.
I last saw them at a family wedding three months ago and as usual, received the (easily broken) promises of a visit. This really annoys me as I know they are empty words and would rather they not say it. I now reply "But you won't, will you?"
I really can understand why they do not visit as it is upseting. But why can't they phone or email me? Christmas and New Year were the last straw.
Sorry about the inappropriate moan. The poem helped me get 'it' off my chest!
Anna :o]
It's true when they say you can chose your friends but not your family.
We have had a lot of funerals in our family and it's always the same. We realize for a fleeting moment who much we mean to one another. But, we go our separate ways and meet up again at the next funeral. It is sad. It is a fact of life. Remember the only one you can change is yourself. Live your life as if you have no tomorrow. Who cares what they think -- tell them you love them anyway. Reach out over and over again -- who cares if they don't reach back. You will know in your heart that you've done everything you can. You will create your own peace in that manner.
Thanks for all the comments and support you've given me -- I'm hoping I can give some back.
Linda (www.immortalalcoholic.blogspot.com)
I feel for you and second your rage!
Been there, done that and had to do the soul searching too. It is guilt of not being you that embarrasses them into stayig away.
How do you fix it? Don't know, except to create opportunities for them to have an extraordinary reason to come, like celebrate as many anniversaries as are available. :-( Helpless admirer.
Thanks for your comments folks and forgive the delay in reply. The remote computer is no longer talking to me - the swine(!) - and I am writing this at a friends.
Addy: Tis true indeed!
Linda: I understand your point of view and agree with much of it. I really am not eternally angry with them - it was just seeing the uncollected Christmas presents which fired off my disappointment. I am really at peace with my pipe most of the time!
Stafford: I am honoured by your visit! Parties and the resulting noise would upset the old hubby - but sons wedding later this year will bring us all together again! I really don't bear grudges and will embrace the erring brothers with open arms!
Anna :o]
Wow, I felt that.
I too have siblings like that, but then I too am that person. Times runs away, and before you know it the week has passed.
We tend to do the immediate stuff (washing, cooking, cleaning, work) and put off the important stuff (families, writing letters).
Hi Tara.
Of course what you say is true - I am as guilty as the next for not contacting friends at times. But families as in brothers, who can happily ignore their brothers situation, is to me - different.
I must state that I really don't want them to rot in hell - although I did at the time of writing!
Anna :o]
I will not do the running any more.
I think maybe I'd swallow pride, and make the running, rather than let myself become bitter? Nobody ever said love and caring had to be a two way thing... If you are one who loves and cares, forcing yourself to stop can only hurt you - the other parties will be oblivious! Sorry for talking to you like a Dutch Uncle - or an old Granny...
Hi Jinksy
Although bitterness might have temporarily reared its ugly head at the time of writing - it is not a constant. Now my emotion(?) is that of resignation and I am comfortable with that - not hurt or angry.
Opening myself up to constant rejection by the brothers, I think, would not be helpful and would make me bitter.
So, I will accept that I may hear from and see them infrequently - but the loss is theirs.
Don't mind you being a Durch Uncle or Granny!
Anna :o]
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