Toxic Love

Image: ParkeHarrison

Imperfection

seeking perfection,

never quite good enough,

feathers ruffled,

you shut me out.

I should not answer back;

show my strength,

strength is my weakness,

enough to gain your wrath.

You need a perfect boy,

a boy grateful

for your love

and I am never quite

that good enough,

I always fail you,

make you cry.

I cry alone,

for alone is what I am. 

I have no-one but you

and I always disappoint. 

You smother me

with your

smother mother love,

tie me to your apron strings,

stifle who I could be.

Imperfection

creates imperfection,

the imperfect me.

I fled your apron strings,

tried to untie the knots

that clog my mind,

attempted

to reconstruct the boy

who was never allowed to be,

I just wanted to be me.

I have failed again;

I cannot break free,

tied to you

in some unnatural way. 

I hate you

yet I long

to earn your love,

be the perfect boy,

your perfect little man.

Always

the cuckoo in the nest,

 I will never quite belong. 

But I am home mother,

shoes lain outside

in reverence. 

Smother me

with your love mother,

smother me.

Anna :o]

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”“

(Mother Teresa)

I work in mental health and see many damaged souls, some so obviously damaged by the oppressive love of their mother.  This is oppressive love and not possessive. 

Some of these folk are the mothers of these smothered children and when relating their history they talk of feeling/being unloved by their mother and their need to compensate for their perceived/real neglect of maternal love by overwhelming their children with not only their own love but also that denied them by their own mothers.

 However this love is never unconditional, always conditional on the child being totally dependent on and eternally grateful for this imperfect gift of the deepest felt yet the most destructive kind of love.

Talk to (the adult) children of these mothers and almost always they will talk of oppression, manipulation and tellingly, reveal that they themselves felt unloved and that they hate their mother.    Many of these (adult) children have mental health problems of their own, resultant of their existence within a dysfunctional family.

They talk of how they will never allow their own children to experience their emotional stunting, lack of nurturing and unconditional love and vow to love their children oh so very, very much.   And the cycle continues…

Anna :o]

If you would like to understand more of how parental behaviours impact on the mental health of our children, a recommended read  is “the cockroach catcher” authored by the excellent Dr Am Ang Zhang.  He also has a blog just here!

With thanks to Tess at The Mag for the inspiration and also entered at Poets United ‘The Poetry Pantry’ – thanks Poets United!