Monday, 9 April 2012

Wistfulness

Wistfulness: the cockroach catcher
Grey day inks
into the blackest night,
sleep elusive,
I think of you,
remember,
and heady
with the scent of you,
I search beneath the sheets,
find emptiness.

I have tried so hard
to erase you from my mind,
suppress
the pain of longing,
but find
I’m saying “Yes” again
as I long for your caress again,
as I live within
the ghost of you.

I do sleep a while,
world weary, unrefreshed
I rise,
press feet
into waiting slippers,
try to warm the chill,
heat coffee pot. 
I want to smile again,
see sunny skies again,
be glad again.

Blue skies elude me,
all I see is grey,
I think of you
and all I can be
is sad again.
I try to rouse my spirits,
wonder how
my mind can be so empty
when it’s so full of you,
I fear every lonely moment
but most of all fear myself
as I sink deeper in this gloom.

The ghost of you
infiltrates my very being,
roots out, stirs each emotion.
I have this notion
that if I could rid myself
of you,
extinguish memories,
snuff out your flame,
I could be whole again.

But fear is real,
for without you
I have nothing 
and I shed tears again
as I softly
call out your name.

With thanks to JP at Olive Gardens (Poetry Picnic Week 30: Doubts, Fears, Inhibitions and Hesitations) and also posted at The Poetry Pantry at Poets United – thanks Poets United!

Image: used with the kind permission of the cockroach catcher at flickr. (The Cockroach Catcher Blog can be found here!

Anna :o]

26 comments:

Dave King said...

This seeped into my consciousness, much like the ghost seeped into the speaker's, I imagine.

Jack Edwards Poetry said...

This is a brilliant poem :) so engaging.

Dr Erhumu said...

Where do broken hearts go?

Daphnée Kwong Waye said...

OMG this is such a beautiful poem! So powerful and I really melted into the poet's feelings.

Heaven said...

Melancholy and sad...there are some ghosts that never leave us ~ Nice emotional post ~

Brian Miller said...

really nice story telling...some really nice near rhymes as well that pull you through....nice capture of the feel...i like

Mama Zen said...

Beautiful, gentle piece.

Claudia said...

you use great pictures to illustrate that feeling..my fav was the one with the pressing feet
into waiting slippers...that's awesome...felt

Adura Ojo said...

Haunting poem. Beautifully so. And the longing feels real. A powerful write.

Kay said...

Wonderful piece of writing! I loved it! xoXox

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Thank you for your very kind comments folks!

Anna :o]

Muhammad Israr said...

brilliant :)

Daydreamertoo said...

Awww... sad to lose someone in love.
I felt the heart ache in this.

De said...

Love the use of color here. Well done.

Sharp Little Pencil said...

Anna, it's so ironic - I just hopped over after you comment on Billie Holiday, and here is a woman expressing that gut-deep longing that is scented with Billie's magnolia. Beautiful internal rhymes throughout. You made me melt into a puddle, and well. Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/10/my-irish-roots-long-ago-and-far-away-prose/

marcel said...

Anna, I see a poet trying to move on, break a link, ignore the feelings from inside. Yet drawn back by memories so sweet yet painful. I like the blend, I like the separation. I love the Poem. Cheers dear. permit me to tweet this post.

Luke Prater said...

strong work. Love your opener, a real grabber -

Grey day inks
into the blackest night,

Anna if you're looking for somewhere to get constructive crit/honest feedback in a neutral, safe environment, you should check out the crit/discussion group I founded and co-admin - link s on my blogroll/sidebar. You'd be most welcome :)

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Thanks again for your very welcome comments folks - I really appreciate them!

Anna :o]

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow, that was really good -- so intensely sad. Well done!

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Thanks Madeleine - much appreciated.

Anna :o]

Tracy Crenshaw said...

Lovely poem. It is so hauntingly sad. I could feel the weight of the protagonist's loss.

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Thank you Tracy!

Anna :o]

Martin said...

That feels familiar. A beautiful piece.

Mariya Koleva said...

Lovely story.

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Thanks Martin and Mariya - much appreciated!

Anna :o]

Anonymous said...

...then again and again. emptiness of being, marked with disasterous consequences of some ridiculous acquaintance. her moves so heavy. her lack of consciousness, ugliness of that moment. i hated her from the very beginning. and then, her body sitting next to mine. smiling face and how she claimed the room, my room, doing whatever she wanted, sitting however she wanted, talking whatever she wanted. how could one be so natural? shameless in own her happiness. i couldn't stand it. i couldn't. beauty was attacking me. beauty wanted to destroy me. to destroy my dead world. all I wanted to do was to shut her mouth at least once. couldn't stand all those phrases stubbornly leaving her mouth, making me watch. her lips moving, her tongue, i detested her truly. couldn't live without her noise. i dreamt of possibilities making her shut up, stuffing her head with my stiff cock replacing the thoughts she had. always thoughts. always. silly childish innocence and lack of awareness of that crushing effect on me. i have never hated anyone in my life as i hated her. her hands moving, oh god, where were you. her palms. her fingers. her scent, fresh and clean and bitter penetrating my olfactory tract as acid. i buy her favourite scents to live with them. me, who never smells, never. i have no smell. i am nothing. without her sitting next to me i'm nothing...