Saturday, 1 February 2014

Enough



How could I have ever loved this man,
this man this pathetic apathetic soul
who lies prostrate pissing on just-shampooed floor,
whimpering like some pathetic scolded puppy? 
(No-muscle-strength-means-
he-needs-me-to-get-him-up (long figured out –
then exhilarated at my inventiveness)) 
He has fell so many bloody times before –
but this time, this time I have had enough of it
and no longer stalwart heaving sobs
rack mind and body.   I have had enough.
I have had enough of it, enough of him. 

How could I have ever loved this man –
once dapper now a drooling food-slopping mess –
top and trousers both a ready bib,
trousers a ready sponge for now venting bladder
(and he lies whimpering, whimpering like a scolded puppy). 
This night I have had enough of him. 
I have had more than enough of everything.

How could I have ever loved this man?
He tall dark handsome then,
those zillion million years ago –
now a mere grey disappearing shadow
forever needing, forever tugging at resilience,
rubbing-it-out with every crushing crisis. 
How could I have ever loved this man?
How could I, but I did I did

I do.

Anna :o] 

Karin at dVerse has us writing of repetition

YesterDAY was a bad day – whatever could go wrong did.  YesterNIGHT was even worse.
I wrote the above late last night, early this morning to vent my feelings.  It proved cathartic – and with a bit of tidying-up fit the prompt.
(I am better as in calmer now!)

Image: Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

20 comments:

Brian Miller said...

i am glad the day is better...ugh...its hard...to have loved and then health issues to take away the man you once loved...and as much as you want to care it is at times disheartening...it feals like a moment of weakness for me more than a prevailing attitude....

manicddaily said...

Wow --this is a very powerful poem - you give a sense of the reality of the strains of feelings even when we do and feel the "right" things--but we are human, and the humanity of this situation and your goodness are so real. Thanks. Hope you are feeling better. k.

kaykuala said...

Gosh, it sounds so familiar. Heard it before when young and heard it even now every so often. Man is made to be the leader in the house, certainly! Hilarious Anna!

Hank

Glenn Buttkus said...

Being 10 years older than my sweet child bride, I have fears of being that whimpering pissing lump squirming in my own vomit & excrement; caregiving is not for sissies either. My wife kids me that after she puts me in a Home, once a week she will visit me in her new sports car, showing me pics of her younger boyfriend.

Mary said...

It is not easy being a caretaker, especially a caretaker for someone that you knew as a vital and equal partner...and now needs all his needs taken care of by you. I do hope there is someone in your life who can support you too, understand what you are going through. I know it isn't easy going down that long road.

Heaven said...

We do & try our best, don't we ~ How challenging is the role of the caretaker of a loved one ~ It certainly taxes the energies & positive spirit ~ May you find support, love & care for yourself too ~

lovemorestudio said...

A heavy piece here, replete with raw emotion and dispair-- anger, hurt, heartache, and yet tenderness and longing. A powerful write, thanks for sharing ~ peace, Jason

Laurie Kolp said...

I like your thinking process up to the ending revelation... love knows no boundaries.

pandamoniumcat said...

Such an emotional poem, such a challenging time for you both that shows the real strength of love... left me teary I must say. All the best to you. :)

Claudia said...

oh i can imagine how tough this is and how much it can bring you to the rim of strength as well.. hope things look a bit brighter soon..hugs...

ramblingsfromamum said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. Your day was tough, what you face daily is tough, I heard the pain and frustration in your words..and I loved your closing and I'm sure he loves you too.

Gabriella said...

Anna, your pain is very palpable and I am sorry you have to go through all this. I am glad writing is cathartic and I truly sympathize with you. I sincerely hope there are friends and relatives near you who can help you with the practical as well as the emotional difficulties you have to face.

Björn said...

Oh this is a sad truth.. we transform and age.. becoming peeing lumps.. I can so understand these feelings.. parents, wives or husbands.. how could I .. good the last sentence.. I think (and I have heard it mentioned by many) is that one need a break every now and then for the needy parts.. excellent use of repetitions.. and the last line really made me smile.

^.^ said...

... know (almost) exactly what you mean ... omg ... Love, cat... http://catsruledogsdroole.blogspot.com/

Jenny Woolf said...

It sounds so very, very hard. I am glad that writing helped you to cope, and see the positive. This is such a powerful poem. I hope tonight is better.

Eusebeia Philos said...

Such a tough choice to make.. to continue to care for and love someone who's lost that ability.. good use of repetition in a meaningful way in the poem.. thanks for writing about a difficult life and topic..

ADDY said...

Wow. That brings back some memories for me. Emotive words.

Helena said...

It is a tough and unfair world. The way your cards are dealt can be devastating. I what his take on his partner would be?

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Sherry Blue Sky said...

You are heroic. SO hard to see your loved one so changed, so helpless. Hard to be him, harder even to be you. And yet you do it. You get up the next morning, put a smile on your face and do it again. Another everyday hero.........great write. This is what it is like in the trenches and none of us ever dream we will find ourselves there one day, one side or the other.