She sits moon gazing,
hand wringing
of what might have been,
what might have been
had she not dismissed him
petulantly,
petulantly
she snuffs out the candle,
whispering incantations
to her devil,
her devil of desire.
Lost,
She lusts for love,
love long lost.
Alone
she longs for company.
Elsewhere
the mason carves his stone,
sculpts out his vision
where all
angry voices scream out,
scream out in hell.
Done and satisfied,
he lies down,
lies down
imagining
his next commission.
his next commission.
She sits
her future carved out in stone;
now angry voices
dismiss her every thought,
her head filled with thoughts,
thoughts of what might have been,
had she not wished for company,
company that will now
not leave her mind,
voices scream out
in her eternal hell;
she lies down
she lies down
and swallows
small stone white tablets….
The mason carves out her stone,
strong sense of déjà vu;
he lies down and wonders
who she might have been
as he gazes at the moon.
as he gazes at the moon.
Anna :o]
PS Not quite sure if this attempt represents conflation as I got a bit carried away!
21 comments:
Your words! Ah!! They fall like stairs! I love this!!! I love the disarrayed connection!
Amazing! You nailed this. I love how you brought this all together. Yeah!
wiw...very cool...love the repitition...makes it very haunting...and a tale well told...the carve...my what a job he has...
Wow - amazing! Speechless! Good write!
What's most cool about your poem is the repitition of words and short phrases. Your piece reminds me of the great poet Langston Hughes. A truly wonderful poem.
I love the depth of this. I love that she lusts for love, lost love, company. I empathize, identify. And the stone, I wonder if it is a gravestone or if it is just my mind working, making it my own poem.
I like the two perspectives and images.. then towards the end, the mason carving the stone, and gazing at the moon. Then ending rounded it up neatly...ver nice....~
The repetition really lends to an eire feel and the use of stone was wonderful. Truly separate, but there was a definite connectedness. It made me think of a story in my head to connect the two...
this was really well done...the repetition gives it a haunting quality - love how you connected it all with the carving...and the closure is just perfect
You've expertly carved a tale that winds back on itself in a beautiful curve. Thank you.
Very well done--never saw where it was going till I got there and let out my breath. This has to be on of the clearest and cleanest examples of conflation used to enhance each different yet related element I've read so far. Chilling, as well, with that robotic chant of repetition. Good stuff.
A wonderful read. Paced well, kept me guessing, but pulled together perfectly. I'm doing my best not to sound too much like the other comments, but it is what it is...a fantastic write!
Thank you so much for your very kind comments folks.
I must admit that the themes do not really reveal much about me – or perhaps they do? I do admit to dismissing a boyfriend in a fit of pique while in the throes of teenage angst and really, really regretting it.
And maybe the sculptor fashioning his vision of hell is really the dark side of me that appears in the things I write? I don’t know!
The idea of it came from listening to young folk who consider that a single event led them to schizophrenia and are quite specific as to what the event was. However, sometimes the specific event is quite remote and could be considered as an Idea of Reference?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idea_of_reference”
(For some reason Blogger would not accept the above as a link - grrrrh!)
Perhaps the stonemason/sculptors sense of déjà vu was an Idea of Reference?
Emmett ~ thanks for pointing me to Langston Hughes who I had not heard of. I have read some of his poetry and ‘saved’ him and will learn more about him. I feel honoured that I remind you of him – thank you.
Mary ~ regrettably it was a gravestone.
Anna :o]
i like the repetition. sculptors and masons are so amazing. just their whole manipulation of space.
Whoa. That was incredible! The wordplay was magnificent. I loved how it all came together in the end.
Wow, both eerie and beautiful simultaneously.
A lovely write!
The longings and the repetitions combined made the story alive. Great verse!
Hank
This just flows! Excellent write.
Great one...specially the end lines. Couldn't have been better :)
~Mohana
nice read, lovely ending
Thank you so much for your kind comments folks - much appreciated!
Anna :o]
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