Prognathism: mandiblular: his chin juts out –
like Beachy Head (he
thinks) or barracuda;
juts out defiant neath tight upper lip.
He hates this.
He hates his tiny tiny little mouth,
wishes God had given
more thought to his creation.
He has weighed up the odds,
the odds the risks of complications;
surgery – nervous (as he is of it),
he will sit it out, indefinite.
Despite his sore self-seen affliction –
he has it all (he thinks) –
he has the sea and she and Lucky Lady.
She? He has
this notion she is leaving.
Is she leaving him?
He feels her withdraw,
a moody ebbing ocean leaving,
leaving in its wake a lonely barren shore.
She: distressed, stress manifests cutaneous,
her silvery scales remind her of the fish;
that fish (bass she thinks) that
flapped and flailed,
hooked as it was to certain death,
its tiny tiny little mouth gasping gaping drowning.
It simmered on the galley stove,
simmered in its briny waters.
He herbed and lemoned it,
seasoned it, hot alive with peppercorn.
He savoured it, the smell of it.
Succulent, it melted in her mouth just as his kisses
did.
His kisses did, and
then it came, came horizontal,
(as she had always lain before him (always always
wanting him)),
came horizontal rolling fogging up her mind;
lost in it she
found herself almost invisible.
Distracted then (by it) she slowly drifted into it;
no, it took her hooked her reeled her in (flapping,
flailing).
He is losing her;
lost she is to some lonely barren shore,
where darkness offers itself the infinite,
ebbing as she is, towards it,
gasping gaping slowly drowning.
Anna :o]
Entered at Open Link Night at dVerse – hosted by the
lovely Mary. Thanks Mary.
Also entered at the Poetry Pantry at Poets United - again hosted by the lovely Mary!
Also entered at the Poetry Pantry at Poets United - again hosted by the lovely Mary!
Image: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Author: Gillfoto
33 comments:
wow. really quite moving...as much a short story as it is a poem...very poetic prose...ugh....and felt...the losing there in the end...you tried to draw a tear...and succeeded
Beautifully rendered sense of loss. I felt at first that she might have been a mermaid or a selkie, slipping from his grasp as she returned to the sea.
janet
Lovely description of my life ...
oh that is really masterfully done... i was holding my breath while reading...love how you show the emotions and excellent story telling...
Very moving poem, Anna, particularly the end. The sens of losing then actual loss is very tangible in your words.
Very moving poem, Anna. It is so hard to have the feeling of losing someone or to have been lost to someone. Your words are filled with feeling. I hear you.
I hear you, too, Anna. The losing, the being lost....all of it. So profoundly and poetically expressed - that lonely barren inner shore......
such an interesting write, you had me intrigued throughout. The parenthesis, along with the third person works really well in adding to the intensity of it, with the parenthesis acting as an almost echo. You've used your punctuation so deliberately and carefully too - it all just complements the content and feel of the write - great stuff!
I like the he and her perspective and the ending of that drowning is so sad ~ I like smell and taste of succulent ~ Lovely story here, thanks ~
The different perspectives, and the way you have drawn on extraneous details to add to the main internal story results in poetic magic.
A masterpiece. Such a powerful story with evocative metaphors, rich salty words, the azure emotion of loss and the thought provoking notions of identity and relationship.
Great writing, Anna.
Not an easy write I would think. Observing is often far scarier than going through scary places oneself. Reason trying to fathom the unreasonable.
The gorgeous & intriguing artwork was like the opening stanza - compliments on your choice. The poem was very moving - you took me on that journey, I felt the anxiety of not quite knowing, but the dread of the probable loss. But I also tasted that fish. A beautiful write, Anna. - Vivienne, of OneVoicePoetry.
Hi Anna, great to see you over here in the Pantry as well. Smiles!!
A brave and very fresh write Anna - you realise things here with a original and deft touch - a real pleasure to read... Regards Scott
It is often only too late that we realise something is being lost to us - perhaps because we don't want to see it, acknowledge it, perhaps because we are too wrapped up in 'life' to notice. I have been there and the lesson is harsh to learn, and I'm still working out how I couldn't see it. But back to your poem - it was beautiful to read, I learned some new words and then read it again to enjoy it's message. Well done, Anna, thank you for sharing it with us.
This is very emotional and quite moving. Loss is such a difficult thing to experience, whether we lose someone permanently through death or through a severing of a friendship/relationship.
first of all, thanks for the new vocabulary words! secondly, a sad and forlorn story about an unwanted physical body part (reminiscent of a fantastical being perhaps?), and finally the drowning at the end. That's a mystery...
well expressed.
ZQ
what a moving poem Anna..I was hoping she will come back..smiles..
you have captured that moment when the end is inevitable.
I find myself empathizing with the man in this poem far more than I would like to. Really moving work here.
As I read I felt a parallel between her and the fish, so that as he dies to be eaten, her death seemed inevitable--as, come to think of it, did the death of the relationship.
Moving and beautifully done.
Beautifully penned Anna and so well expressed.
You made me feel that drifting fog of slow loss, gasping, drowning in a sea of loneliness.
A distressing situation beautifully conveyed
A distressing situation beautifully conveyed
I agree with Brian there is something about this that really really tugs at my heart
hey you.
stopped in here yesterday after seeing you at someone elses to see if i missed something...hope you are doing well...
Very touching. Love the imagery of the ocean. How deep are the seas in which we are drowning?
Such a wonderful piece of writing!!!
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