Friday, 7 January 2011

"I Think I Have That Swine Flu!"

Sitting in the doctors surgery today with my worst half as he awaited his appointment, I overheard a conversation which inspired me to write this:

"I need to see a doctor"
The young gentleman said.
A thin fleece wrapped around him.
A bobble hat on his head.

"The problem is" he explained
"Is that I don't feel to grand"
As he munched on the sandwich
That he held in his hand.

The receptionist - a haughty one -
Eyed him with disdain.
Another damn patient!
Her displeasure was plain.

"Next Thursday, 11am, Dr Smith"
She said in a monotone voice.
"You can take it or leave it.
After all, it's your choice."

The young man looked worried
And said "I don't think that'll do
For the pig of it is -
I think I have that swine flu!"

She eyed him incredulously
And as some receptionists will,
Scanned for signs of influenza
That would indicate he was ill.

No obvious fever, cough
Or runny nose could she see.
My heavens she thought
He looks fitter than me!

"What makes you think that?"
The receptionist said.
"Well. I woke up this morning
With a pain in me head!

"I've also coughed once"
The young man explained.
"And I feel a bit nauseous
And I feel a bit drained.

"It feels like a hangover and
It might be the drink,
But reading of swine flu -
It just made me think

"That perhaps I could have it
And forgive my directness -
But I need to see a doctor
To see if I am infectious..."

"Okay!  Okay!  Okay!"
The receptionist hissed
"I'll just add your name
To today's triage list!

The doctor will phone later -
Is that okay?"
"That's topper!" said the young man
And he went on his way.

I hear doctors bemoan patients
Who worry about health.
But the worried well do exist.
Today, I saw it myself!

Anna :o]


Sam said...

I like it Anna, well done! ... but I think I have been swined[?] for real, and no, I needn't see a doc, as I had it all last year and took no medication too


Dear o dear!


Tara said...

Do these people not think? Such a waste time...

Fran said...

I think the comment about the drinking was a Big Clue to the real situation! And I love the fact that he was eating a sandwich!

HyperCRYPTICal said...

Thanks for your comments folks.

Sam - Hope you're now fully recovered!

Tara - These people do think - but not in a way that we know of!

Fran - The poem is a pretty accurate account of
events and I could feel disbelief creep across my face when he uttered those immortal words!

I am sure it was a ham sandwich too!

Anna :o]

Anonymous said...

Very droll, the best I can manage is a limerick, :-)

Swine flu is a bit scary, at Borchester our intensive care, there are flu cases on every ward, and patients being ventilated in the operating theatres as there is nowhere else to do it.

It's all hands to the pumps, from managers to nurses to keep the system functioning. If the pandemic worsens there is no slack left. Scary indeed.

Found A Voice said...

Good stuff Anna.

PS It always amazes me that receptionists try to diagnose one on the reception floor...

Linda (Immortal Alcoholic) said...

Way to go Anna!! I love this.

Sam said...

It is still here Anna, but no temprature so I am assuming it's just normal flu. I had swine flu last year but as usual, all I took was the occassional Paracetamol and hot tea with mint but it took two weeks to go. Same medication now :-)

HyperCRYPTICal said...

Cheers folks!

Dr Phil - I don't envy anyone working in a hospital setting. Operating at 100+% bed capacity occupation at the best of times must be a problem and at the worst of times - such as now, must indeed be scary. Lets hope the pandemic doesn't worsen.

FAV - I guess at times receptionists become gatekeepers to the gatekeepers - but some do develop ideas above their station! And why do they have to be so snotty?

Linda - Cheers! On my days off, I intend to look for some end-stage material for you - will be in touch.

Sam - Hang on in there! Keep taking the mint tea and Paracetamol!

Anna :o]

Kristina said...

I have seen some patients running to ER for imaginable diseases or conditions... poor people... it's in the mind.

Tara said...

Had to laugh today. While giving my little boy who is teething some calpol, my 4 year old said "mum, I need some medicine" *fake cough* "see I'm not well". Made me think of your poem. Needless to say, he didn't get any Calpol!