If she could,
if she only could,
she would walk barefoot with him
into the mirage beyond the land
where sea flows.
Where sea flows
its saltwater tides,
the oft gentle ebb and flow
honouring its comfort of the moon
til storm breaks.
Til storm breaks
she and he are one
and then are rent asunder
as sea engulfs them in its anger
and love dies.
And love dies
beneath the torrent
of the rage that is the sea.
She so wants to sail the world with him,
but she can’t.
Anna :o]
Oh dear, for a long time I have been lost in the abyss
that is apathy; so often I have tried to respond to prompts’ – but there has
been nothing there. So I guess my
offering reflects this hopelessness – but nevertheless it is written! So thank you Tony for igniting my fire –
hopefully it lasts!
Tony’s excellent prompt can be found at dVerse
25 comments:
Oh my, this is superb. It grabs you from the start, shakes you and throws you in the air.
nice linked maudern cinquains....i like how the first and last lines roll into each other...i mush prefer the barefoot sand walks than the crashing waves tearing them apart...but sometimes things are not meant to be...no matter how much we may want it...
Wonderful - I love the repeating lines.
You really excelled in this one, the last lines of each stanza becoming the first line of the next is very audacious, almost creating another new form. Excellent take, very imaginative, its sombre tone coming off as both romantic & existential.
Beautiful flow, just the ocean. Creative, poignant, solemn..but romantic and wistful. The first and last lines leading into each other, one wave crashing into another coming to shore. Superb.
kind of a misty write... walking and growing and understanding... maybe not knowing
CAUTION: our 22-wildchild-blogOwama is a total wealth of bottomless sophistication, nuanced inferences, and synonymous metaphors which you most prooooo’bly won’t find anywhere. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN WISK!!
Frankly, I wouldn't be tooo worried about what the whorizontal world thot about me, dear; I'd be much more concerned about what Jesus shall say at our General Judgment. You may not like me now, yet, I’m not out to please you. Lemme wanna gonna tella youse Who (grrr - New Joisey accent):
Greeting, earthling. Not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like for us if ya believe/accept: meet this ultra-bombastic, ex-mortal-Upstairs for the most extra-blatant, catch-22-excitotoxxins, guhroovaliciousnessly delicious, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Reality-Firepower-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué, eternal-real-McCoy-warp-drive you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-rrrock’nNsmmmokin’-hot-deal: PLEASE KEEP HANDS/FEET INSIDE THE WIDE UNTIL WE MADE A CIRCUMFERENCE OF the OUTSTANDING, NEVER-ENDING, THRILLIONTH-RED-MARKER-POSSIBILITIES!!! Puh-leeeze meet me Upstairs. Do that for us. Cya soon, girl…
gorgeous !
fantastic linkage
I feel the yearning in this, Anna. "If she could only could..." I think we all can identify on occasion. Well penned.
Desperation and helplessness are very tangible in your poem.
Nicely done..the form enhanced by your chain of cinquains with repeating lines ..
cool idea of linking these all in a chain...and heartbreaking to see how this starts with "if she could"...but then ends with "but she can't". Well done.
Anna, the desperation in this so enhanced by the linkage anf the enternal rhymes with repetitions - the element of sea comes in through the repetitions. I'm always happy to see you at the bar.
I too like that you have linked these, making each a critical piece of the whole
Welcome back, my dear, and I know exactly what you mean - haven't been able to respond to prompts either. With those cascading stanzas you've built upon Tony's form - wistful, ballad-like, very melodious. And there's a 'woo-woo' rushing sound through it all, quite mournful, like the wind.
Absolutely beautiful, Anna. Linking the stanzas by repeating the last/first lines is a lovely poetic touch and really helps to bring the whole piece together.
I think there's an extra could in the second line ...
Hope the poetic flame truly catches light for you again, Anna.
Tony
Lovely linking, verse to verse.
That's a very clever twist on the form. Nicely done.
It's a good note to return on, these waves of cinquettes, each returning to the sme words as the last, and then breaking before moving on. Good to see you.
I love the repetition in this and the story line kept my interest to the last line...thankyou
Liked the hanging on of the old line into the new line of the next stanza. Gives it a melancholy feel, IMO.
Beautiful how the waves of your lines flow to the reader's eyes and ears.
Does love ever really die?
So good to see you back!!! I LOVE this. A true work or art :)
I felt I was walking right along the beach with you...whispering to you to take the step...keep walking forward my friend :)
This is such a deep and very beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading it very much.
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