Sometimes,
when the day yawns
and
the horizon swallows up the sun,
I
think of you.
Night
always had you in its grip;
as
vicelike as your hands round the bottle,
as
vicelike as your hands round my throat,
pressing.
I
warned you about sleeping,
that
I would get my revenge.
Murder
was surprisingly easy.
Anna
:o]
Author: Chad fitz
28 comments:
I often wonder why murder is not even more common than it is...a very well-paced 55, Anna, that starts out in a sort of calm but chilling series of statements, then turns quickly to show the real face of an untenable situation. Your choice of words is perfect. Thanks so much for joining us at the 55 today.
Oooo! Nicely done!
interesting, and I'm suddenly nervous.
Women burned don't sleep. Meaningful story here, take heed.
Does the fact that I'm grinning with delight makes me a horrible person? Nah. I just love a well-told story. And this story-told poem is freaking fantastic, my dearest Anna. Deliciously paced, perfectly structured, and ended with a bang (or poison or a stab).
Eerie, and masterly composed.
Perhaps it is not the pain that keeps me from deep sleep but rather the persistent wonder if tonight is the night?
Goodness that was a sharp twist at the end! Nicely done!
What a suspenseful story....loved the quick pace!
That ending: cutthroat!
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Nicely crafted.
I think there is a really good micro story in your piece that could be expanded into a good a good short story. I certainly enjoyed reading your work here. (not forgotten your recipe)
It's surprisingly easy, still the hardest thing you can do.
Somehow I think if it's done at sleep it's like a small mercy.
Wow, this is a 55 that packs a wallop, and tells a whole, familiar story." Especially the hands around both throat and bottle. Well played.
Gosh this is the most powerful 55 ever, Anna!!
Wow, interesting turn of events..
Goodness... The song "Cell Block Tango" from the musical Chicago is playing in my head. "He had it coming..He had it coming" I'd like to read the whole story.
Ooh, Anna! I love the way your poem starts so innocently and sweetly and turns dark with '
Night always had you in its grip;
as vicelike as your hands round the bottle,
as vicelike as your hands round my throat,
pressing'.
And that twist at the end - superb!
Powerful!
ZQ
A surprise twist...so good! 😊
Ha, this was chilling. I certainly did not expect the ending. Smiles.
~ phew ~ that sent a chill down my spine. This was constructed to great effect. Well done!
Violence does have a way of going 'full-circle'. Victimizers would be wise to bear that in mind.
Yikes! Not a spare word, but to the point in a poetic act of self defense!
Haha! Is that a confession?
YIKES!!! indeed
much love...
wow, what a twist! :)
Anna! whew ~
This is not the first time I have heard such a story, should be posted lest "someone" forgets.... I liked it!
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